Day 281: 29/12/13

God...

Uncharted
            You guide me.
Undefined
            You remind me.

Your presence my constant.
Your love my compass.

Straight and narrow
I will follow.

Your spirit my heart beat.
What beats inside of you, would it beat inside of me
Fusing our hearts together, forever: your glory.

Day 280:28/12/13

Christ--Lord,

You're doing that thing again.
That explosive, invasive life changing shift.
You speak your truth straight up into my soul
and my heart runs wild.

You're living life rearranging my stagnant doubting faith.
You're whirl pools of energy spin my spirit into joy.
Your tides of faithfulness push me deeper into your rest.
Your buoyant grace floats me, stills me, hushes me.

Surprise me. Lavish me.
Your will: my heart beat.

Day 279: 27/12/13

God...

And you're just always surprising me!
Always knocking down my willful wall of protection.
Always spilling over, abundantly into this storm-worn heart.
Always listening, always patient.

My heart runs wild
My will runs free
Your presence is where I want to be

Day 278:26/12/13

God,

You stop me in my tracks.
You paralyze me.
Rearranging is your speciality.

Unearthed
Control relinquished.
Moving forward in a guise of backward motion.

You're enchanting
You're maddening

Mystery of mysteries Guide me this night.

Day 277: 25/12/13

Christ,

Come awake in my heart
in the dead of the night
burn my heart alive with wild fire

come awake in my heart
in the quiet of the morning
like the calming of the water
like the assurance of the tide

come awake in my heart
be not just born
be not just a silent sleeping baby

come awake in my heart
with your peace like a river

come awake in my heart Lord
come awake in my heart Christ.

Day 276:24/12/13

God...

And I melted down
and the world hushed.

My loud sobs
your breathless breaths.

These things collide in a moment of explosive wonder.

The God king becoming man
the long awaited one a baby

You're arriving
You've arrived
we await your arrival.

Your kingdom, your glory, your honour, your power. Amen.

Day 275: 23/12/13

God...

And we lay it all down.
All this figuring out who we are and who we were and who we are becoming.
We lay it all down and we place it in your "more-than-capable" hands.

We rest our confused hearts.
We gently lay them in your hands, because we're terrified of change, terrified of the past.

Day 274: 22/12/13

God...

Your kingdom is coming.
Your spirit is moving.
Our hearts you're preparing.

Remove us, reveal us
Spread your hope to the nations.

Call us, center us
Share your peace to our neighbours

The Christ child is coming,
         make way for our king!

Day 273:21/12/13

And I hear you say to me today:

"Your stress is man made and self inflicted. If only you see how I see you.  You are not a disappointment, you are not a failure, you are becoming less and I am becoming more.  Give yourself a break.  The expectation you put on yourself to be perfect is crazy. Let me love on you.  Let me fill you with my peace and my joy. Yes, let me encompass you in my love."

Lord we pray,

Rise up.
Come to our help
be not far from us Lord.

We are your people
We are the delight of your work
Rescue us Lord
Rescues us from the hand of the oppressors.

Yours is the kingdom
Yours is the power
Yours is the glory
Amen.

Day 273:20/12/13

God...

You've outdone yourself today!
Dusting our small section of this earth with holy, silent, joy-giving snow.
Your dumped a pile of rest on some weary, burned out souls.
And we can't thank you enough.

You're calming your earth
intentionally slowing us down.
Make way, prepare for the coming of the Christ child.

Cover us with blankets of your grace.
We delight in your miracle and we anticipate your coming.

Day 272: 19/12/13

God...

And you are God our saviour
                     God our mighty one
                     God our provider
                     God our delighter

In our comings and our goings
In our waiting and our hasting
You are the Lord.

Lord over all things created...the work of your hands
Awe struck we fall to our knees in surrender.

How do we forget?
How am I so quick to forget who you are?

Remind me again.
Remind me again and again till I cannot forget.

Day 271: 18/12/13

Lord,

My cup overflows
I build a dam of control

Your goodness and mercy follow me
I fix my eyes on the fear and trouble ahead of me.

Let the force of your love flood me
Erode my control dam

Let me close my eyes and fall back into your goodness and mercy

The battle I fight-- enemies without and evils within.

Your accomplished work
My doubting soul

I raise my white flag
Let the dear Christ enter in.

Day 270: 17/12/13

Wow! So I've been super lazy in posting these....

God,

And I'm not used to this, used to these late hours of writing, but there's something about the deep of night that keeps calling to me.  Calling and inviting me to embrace the mystery of the cosmos. 

I surrender and I invite you to call me deeper than before.
Assure and affirm.
All I want is to know more of you.
Soften me and heal me.
Speak right into this soul.
Your undoing is my gathering.
Your love silences my fears.
Assure me again that you are Lord.
Lord even is this.
Even in me.
Amen.

Day 269:16/12/13

God...

And it's in the waiting on you that we rest.
It's the quieting with you that order comes form our chaos.
It's these unrehearsed, bare-bone, honest moments that transform this wandering heart from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh.
It's your undoing that begins my gathering.
In this mystery, this mystery of you I find healing.

Undo me
         Gather me

Unhem me
         Find me

Unravel me
          Draw me

Here.
Here in this place
I find you
I find me.

Day 268:15/12/13

God...

We anticipate your workings
We look for your stirrings.
Its your kingdom we're hungry for
your kingdom coming we look forward to.

You're the glory from the ashes
You're the bright and morning star
You're the ruler of this cosmos--
              yet you fit inside of me.

Glory out
Glory up
All praise to you my king

You're the Lord who reigns supreme
So we shout with jubilee.

Move us closer
ever closer till we're right beneath your tree.
Shade us and shield us
till our hearts rest sweetly in thee.

You delight us
You inspire us
you bring hope in this whole earth.

Lead us safely,
  Oh so faithfully
 until we leave this home worn mirth.

Day 267: 14/12/13

Holy God,

Asleep in your graces
Awake in your care.
Lead us forward,
ever forward
till our hearts prepare
of your coming
of your waking
in this world of dark and strife
call us deeper
plunge us further
till our souls in him suffice.

Day 266: 13/12/13

Holy God...

Clear the path
Walk us into order
Pray us into rest.
Fortify us from self pity, destruction tears and
march us into holy repentant tears.

Carve out time where there lie only tasks.
Carve out silence where there are only bitter words.
Carve out articulation where there is only decaying swirls of thought.

Exert yourself as Lord
Lord in the midst of the mess we make
Exert yourself as Lord.

We surrender to your bidding.

Day 265: 12/12/13

Hard to believe only 100 more prayers to go!!!

God,

And we'll do almost anything to justify you away.
We'll put our faith in extra-terrestrials before we'll hope in you the truth.
And in the same breath we give away our desire to be known by something other...something other than human.

Break our man-made myths
Deepen our knowledge of you
Deepen our knowledge of our other, our holy.

In the name of Christ we pray.

Day 264: 11/12/13

God,

The doubts run high this time of year.
They run high and deep, right into the core of this storm worn child.
But your grace, it floods out from heaven like sunbeams melting the snow, softening this hardened heart.  I am my beloved's and he is mine.

Day 263: 10/12/13

Advent:

Holy God,

And I come apart to hear you
          come apart to make some space for you

It feels like coming home.
            like coming into rest, into safety.

You're what I want,
You're my heart's desire.

Resting in you I feel free to fly,
Resting in you I feel clothed in forgiveness and love.
Resting in you I feel satisfied, enough.
Resting in you is where I want to be.

undefiled

Day 262: 09/12/13

God...

Weeping you find me
Unchained by your honesty
Unhinged by your grace.

Your stillness so cutting
Your silence my grace.

Uncase me,
Unlock me,
Until I surrender within.

Unglue me
Undo me
Let the dear Christ enter in

In the rhythms of the liturgy
The timing of the bells
the cadence of holy laugher
the solemn words of your strength. 

Enhance me
Enlighten me
Till I'm your child again.

Extract the stress,
Replace it with trust.
Open the flood gates of grace.

Day 261: 08/12/13

Holy God,

You do your thing...

              providing ways in our deserts and hope in our valleys.
              You speak your truth straight up in our souls and life right into our hearts

You're healing me whole
             
               Through frailty to strength
                from sorrow to laughter

you're breaking me whole

Day 260: 07/12/13

Holy tears streaming down
Beating in the throne room door

Heaven's answer swift and surprising
Grace so free
Love so extravagant

The wonder in the waiting
The wounding in the wadding

Fire verses ice
Kingdom conquered
surrender released

It's the beauty in the rawness
the strength in the confession

Holy laughter
Light's pure glory

Conversations: I'm getting softer

Day 259: 06/12/13

Christ child,

And you little one
You are Lord at your birth.
You are Lord when the word became flesh and dwelt among us.
You are Lord in the meekness of a manger.
You are Lord in the narrow, maze chambers of my heart.
You are Lord.
Lord at your birth.

I surrender to your lordship.

Day 258: 05/12/13

Holy God,

Your presence...
  waiting, you invite us
  pouring out, we are filled
  giving up, we receive

The paradoxes of your kingdom surprise me.
Remind me again and again.
Remind me of your steadfast love which is not false but always faithful.

Invite me and remind me

Day 257: 04/12/13

Holy God...

And in the moments where my hope seems lost and despondent
        in the moments when my life feels fleeting and meaningless
            the moments when the well of grace feels dry

in those moments
           even in those moments
                                    
                                  You are faithful
                                     You are hopeful
                                                   
                                                       a faintly burning wick you won't snuff out
                             
                                       Your grace is enough for this,
                                                                          for me

                                                                                 Lord have mercy

Day 256: 03/12/13

Holy God...

We wait for your coming
We expect your coming

Open our hearts, Lord
Open our minds
Open our souls

Yours is the kingdom
Yours is the power
Yours is the glory

Amen

Day 255: 02/12/13

God...

You lavishly invite me into December
You chart it with extreme moments of love and care
You pour out blessing upon blessing

How is your kingdom this wonderful?
How is there not end to your love?

Come deeper in my life
Breakout in repentant revival tears
Our heart cry is for you and you only.

Spirit, Father, Christ,
Lead us deeper into your rest.
We bow with adoration before you.
We wait on your coming.

Day 254: 01/12/13

Holy God...

Swiftly you shift us into advent.

We wait for you
We wait upon you
We wait in you

You move the mundane to miraculous
Silently you cradle us,
Your love descending like freshly designed snow flakes.

It's the glory of your presence
The wonder of your love
The unassuming nature of your extravagant gift

Prepare us, Oh God.
Prepare us to receive your holy child anew.

Amen.

Day 253: 30/11/2013

God...

You shape us and you chase us.
You prepare our hearts.
You bring us into your presence---help us to stay there.

You lead us by the straight and narrow.
You lead us by your spirit and truth.

Lead us and free us.
Teach us and heal us.

By your stripes we've been set free.

Prepare me to prepare your coming

Day 252:29/1//2013

God...

And you weave together the moments of my life.
The unrehearsed sequences of events,
the uncharted honest conversations.

                     you're coming alive in my soul.
                     You're coming alive in me.
                      You're coming alive in the spheres around me.

Grace and gratitude.
Gratitude and grace.

I am my beloved's and he is mine

Day 251: 28/11/2013

God...

And watching your world wake up,
        watching the whole thing just come alive, takes my breath away.
            It simmers my response down to a hushed awe.

Your sun rising- shinning its brilliant freedom over a cold and wearied people.
          This process ignites my soul with joy.

Your kingdom is coming.
Your kingdom has come.
Your kingdom is here.

Let us rejoice and give thanks.

Day 250: 27/1//2013

Make yourself at home, Lord.
Settle in.
Take your coat off and leave your things hanging around.

Let me be your resting place Lord.
The place where you unwind.
Where you feel completely at home, completely free to be yourself. 

Let your glory fall here Lord.
Let it descend like crystal snowflakes
                                  announcing your rambunkish coming.

Make yourself at home Lord.
                        At home in this battered, storm warn heart.

Day 249: 26/11/2013

God...

Broken deep beneath the surface
constantly pursuing and striving to suffice...

Rest.
Be still.

Your calm strong words.
My anxious battered heart.

Your assuring smile.
My doubt filled eyes.

You undo me.
You unhinge me.
Again and again.

Endangered species

Day 248: 25/11/2013

God...

Soften my hardened heart.
Prevent it from the catastrophic catastrophe of fossilization.
Breathe life in this fragment shell of a heart.
Speak life and hope to the lost and missing pieces.

Gather me.
Then heal me.

Bind me up for your glory.
Breathe on these dry bones.
                  these shells of a life.

Breathe Lord.
Breathe Holy Spirit.

In your power, Oh God.
Amen

Day 247:24/1//2013

God..

You know those days when you just can't seem to get it right...
                                                                                                 That's today.

             The day when you're far less than perfect.
                              When only backwards and wrong things come out of your mouth
                                                                                                                      instead of life and truth.

                     Turn this day, in its last moments, upside down.
                  Flip it on its head and redeem it in your lavish grace.

Fill me
Flood this room with everything of your peace,
                                   everything of your grace.
                                         Let your particles your atoms fill this air.

My soul waits on you.
My soul waits on the living God.
For He alone is my hope and my salvation.
Amen.

Day 246: 23/1//2013

Holy God,

You lead us
You guide us
You bless us
You teach us

In awe of you
In rest with you

I surrender my life beat
Your rhythms I crave

Let it be.

Day 245: 22/11/2013

God...

You chart us and you path us.
You lead us and you guide us.
In your presence is fullness of joy.

Lead as you move me.
Ebb me towards your center.
Your wake is where I want to surf.

Ebb me deeper and deeper.
You're where I want to be.
You're where I want to live.
Asleep or awake.
You're where I want to be.

Day 244: 21/11/2013

Holy God,

Your spirit presses deeper.
Your imprint on my life.
Your Spirit my guide
through this wild wilderness of my soul.

Uncharted journey
A gazillion questions.
Your manna: my heart cry.
Fill this soul with living water.

I've tasted, I've seen.
Let me see, let me taste
Until my senses explode.

Your mystery,
your story,
your journey,
your glory.

Unfold me,
invite me.
It's your presence I seek.

Day 243: 20/11/2013

Riding through the desert
Into the wild canons of your heart.
Terrified by the vastness.
At the mercy of your manna.

Uncharted journey
Am I doubling back?
Your spirit my guide post,
in the Sahara of my soul.

Day 242: 19/11/2013

Holy God,

You lavishly pour out your love.
My prickled hand are empty.
What have I to bring you but this?

Your grace flows deeper.
It washes purer.
It rises above my prickles and warts.

envelope and enfold me.
Wrap me in the splendor of your light.
Shield me from lies and infiltrate me with truth.

You are other.
You are Holy.
your ways are higher,
yes, so much higher.

Amen

Day 241: 18/11/2013

Holy God..

And we walk fearlessly in the path of righteousness.
We willingly weather the uncharted waves of grace.
We stand in awe of you.
We stand in awe of our other.

We step boldly,
              intentionally in the way of Christ.

Renew us.
Refresh us.
Revive us.

Our other.
Our Holy.
Amen

Day 240: 17/11/2013

God...

Move us deeper.
Shake us to the core.
Wash over us with your gentleness
and lead us to our knees.

Your kindness beckons us.
Your patience woos us.
In your presence I'm satisfied.

Fill me with your life breath.
Stir me with your spirit of power.
Unhinge the rusty places in me.

For yours is the kingdom,
Yours is the power,
Yours is the glory.
forever.  Amen.

Day 239: 16/11/2013

God..

You're leading us and your guiding us.
I'm trusting you,
Trusting you with the little I have,
with my little faith.

The doubt seems so massive,
so vacant so protruding.

I rest my life into your hands.
I rest my faith into your hands.
I rest my doubt into your hands.

All Lord, all in your gifted hands.

Day 238: 15/11/2013

God...

Oh and you whisper your words of love through every moment of my day.
 But am I listening? really listening to all you have to say?

My heart grows cold, far too fast.
 Like an icepack on my back.
Warm me, warm me gently
 I'm afraid of catching fire.

My shoes slip off, bare feet on the ground.
You and me, me and you.
Is this really holy ground?

Help me welcome you this day
with my stubborn hard heart.
Undo me, woe me, reveal yourself today.

Come Lord Jesus come.

Day 237: 14/11/12013

Christ...

Be the light that shines in our darkest darkness.
Be the light that shines brighter than the sun.
Be the light that never grows dim.
Be the light.
You are the light.
Truly, you are the light of the world.

Shine bright upon this life!

Day 236: 13/11/2013

And I hear you say to me:

"You make your steps towards me, but then you turn and take steps back.
Move towards me.  Move before me.  Never fearing, always trusting till I fill all of your cracks.
I'm always searching, always seeking until I get you fully back.
You're my love-child, you're in my heart beat.  let me be the thing you pack.

Let us journey, always journey till our hearts forever intertwine.
Let me weave you.  Never leave you, precious moonlight of mine.
I'm always calling, always waiting rest your soul into my time.
Let me woe you, no, not chew you, don't worry you're in my family line.
I'll love you until forever--and no, that's not just another rhyme.

Day 235: 12/11/2013

God..

Change us and shake us.
Displace us, rearrange us.
Your glory, your honour.

Revive us, pursue us.
Unlock the hidden places.

Draw us and heal us.
Deeper into your presence.
Your presence my life beat.

Day 234: 11/11/2013

Holy God,

You remember us.
And we seek to remember you.

In all our goings out and comings in,
                your faithfulness is beyond comprehension.

In all our pushing and stirring.
In all the chaos we create
your love persists.
                your faithfulness is astounding.

You remember us.
And we seek to remember you.

Day 233: 10/11/2013

Lord God...

I wander the maze corridors of my heart.
Each step a wonder in this valve filled labyrinth.
Take me deeper.
Deeper into your presence.
Deeper into you.

I walk.
Each step becoming clearer.
Each crawl forward--less distractions.

You're pulling me.
Pulling me into your depths.
My senses are flooded.

Your love s extravagant and concrete...this much I know.

Pull me deeper.
Deeper into you.  

Day 232: 09?11/2013

God...

Work, rest
Work. rest.
Teach us the rhythms of your kingdom. 

Suffering. Delight.
Suffering. Delight.
Teach us the stability of your character.

Quiet. Crowd.
Quiet. Crowd.
Teach us the balance of your creation.

At home with you.
In your presence is fullness of joy.

Seasons.

Day 231: 08/11/2013

God...

And you slow me right down.
You unwind me like a clock.
You purge out the chaos
And fill with your assurance.

You sing songs of victory.
You whisper words of love.
My whole life your canvas.

Stillness.

Day 230: 07/11/2013

Holy God...

And you call us.
You call us while we are still a long way off.
You call us and call us
Until we turn and see your face.

And you welcome us.
You welcome us with your arms stretched wide.
You welcome us without hesitation, without a second thought.

We rest in your goodness.
We are content in your worth.
We bow in submission.

Your ways are holy.
You are holy.
Be holy in my heart.
Be holy in my soul.
Be holy in my mind.

Encounter.

Day 229: 06/11/2013

Calling me,
beckoning,
inviting me towards something more. 
something beyond myself.

Refocused,
Realigned,
Redeemed by the steadfast love of your grace.
Pushing past petty things.

Keep my heart here.
Keep it in the peace of your affection.
In the joys of your gladness.
In the truth of your depths.

Hide it and melt it.
Over and over.

I am my beloved's and he is mine.

Vacation.

Day 228: 05/11/2013

Holy God...

We break and we carry it.
We carry it home.
Our shattered moment.

Your large heart
                Our comfort.

Your heart beat
             Our life breath.

Our hearts colliding
             Your fire our glory.

Lavishly Broken.
                 Broken Lavishly.

Day 227: 04/11/2013

You'll have to wait until next Monday for this one....

Day 226: 03/11/2013

Holy God of light...

And I can barely see for all the brightness of your glory.
For all the radiance of grace.
For all the strength of your light.
For all the beaut of your face.

Sunbeams

Day 225: 02/11/2013

God...

Your light
             Our delight.

Your rain
            Our grace.

Your gifts
           Our unexpected joy.

Our waiting
               Your working.

Our failing
              Your faithing.

Paradox.

Day 224: 01/11/2013 (bonus post)

Didn't even know I wrote a bonus post...hahah...


God...

Gracious moments.  It's the beauty of the unrehearsed pauses of life that unfold the unexpected gold.  And when my life feels like a continuous whirlwind, a constant prolonged moment of blustery storms, when my life feels like a winter storm reorder my thinking like the simplistic order of this brick wall with its calming assurance of safety.

Freshly washed hands warming themselves around a warm white cup of joe.
Grace moments in the middle of my storm.

And you're taking me to places I would never have gone on my own.
Uncharted valleys I would never have chosen.

You're taking me and you're healing me. 
Slowly.
But you're healing me. 

Day 224:01/11/2013

Holy God...

In this resting silence I find hope and quiet.
I find a peace that cannot be quenched.
I find a truth that settles and assures.

Oh Spirit of life breathe peace, rest and truth upon these dry bones.
Pour out like Niagra Falls.
Blow dramatic change like this whirlwind, house shaking storm.

I am my beloved's and he is mine.

Day 223: 31/10/2013

Holy God...

Encountering you in every moment of the day.
Each laughter. Each leaf.
You're writing the history of my life and I feel older,
Wonderfully older each moment.

Refresh me like the pouring water over the water fall.
Sharpen my senses like the sharp contrasts of fall's colours.

Enlighten. Invite.  Impress.

Day 222: 30/10/2013

God...

The light this the wing, its a perfect sight.
Sun-showers from the sky just take my breath away.
And I'm mining for gold on this prayer carved adventure.
Your kingdom, my heart beat.
Your command, my song.

Light seeking.
Truth pouring.
Rest finding.

Day 221: 29/10/2013

Holy God...

Sprinkle us with your cleansing blood.
Invite us deeper into the holy of holies.
Quiet our insides until all we can hear is you.
Explode our sense and creativity with your announcements of unfailing love.

Shelter and protect.
Guide and care.
Offer and recant.

In your presence,
Yes with you,
is fullness of joy.

Day 220: 28/10/2013

God...

Our hearts race forwards and forwards some more.
Our minds leap and leap higher even more.
Our hearts rest.
Rest deep with you.

You calm.
You quiet.
You still.
You hush.

Here, in your presence is where I want to be.

Day 219: 27/10/2013

An evening Psalm:

My heart broke and it laughed.
The emotions were extreme today.
The creativity you exercise is awe-inspiring.

I melt in the palm of your hand.
My heart skips a beat at your wondrous works.
Steadfast love surrounds me.

Your faithfulness plummets the depths of my mind.
Remind me again and again.
Remind me until all I can utter is your faithfulness.
Show me again and again.
Recount your deeds in a perpetual manner.

Unleash your joy.
Let it explode in my life like fireworks.
Sprinkle your grace on every moment of my life.

You amaze me.
You undo me.
Great is your faithfulness.

I am my beloved's and he is mine.

Extreme

Day 218: 26/10/2013

God...

Your graciousness is unmatched.
Your splendor is unsearched.

Set apart yourself in our lives.
Be holy.
Be above all.

Amen.

Day 217: 25/10/2013

Holy God...

Inviting you call me.
Returning I answer.

Your heart beat my cadence.
Your laughter my rhythm.
Your eyes my assurance.
Your arms my deliverance.

Your words my rest.

Encircle, enfold, envelope every moment of my day.
Invade, intertwine, invite each beat of my heart.
Transform, transcend, takeover the soil of my life.

Your kingdom.
Your power.
Your glory.

Amen.

Day 216: 24/10/2013

This one is inspired by something my mama said. 

God...Father...

Oh and your love pushes through all my self built mountains of fear and destruction.
It pushes itself right through the pit of hell and into freedom.
It pushes through every moment of doubt and inadequacy.
Each beat of my prodigal heart.

Inviting
Returning

Inviting
Returning

Inviting
Returning

Your open arms
My feeble steps

Inviting
Returning

Inviting
Returning

Never forcing, always calling.
Never trapping, always freeing.

Inviting: you welcome.
Returning: I surrender.

Day 215:23/10/2013

Holy God...

And I never tire of this...
this light that wakes us,
that shines brighter than the brightest star,
that warms our outsides and heals our hearts.
I never tire of this.

And yet your faithfulness is more sure,
 more concrete than my love of the sun.
                                
How?

How is your love so vast?
How is your faithfulness so sure?
How is your grace so untarnished?

We delight in you.
We delight in your goodness.

We dwell in you.
We dwell in your goodness.

We rest in you.
We rest in your goodness.

Amen and amen.

214: 22/10/2013

Been reading Hosea.  Hear the influences?

God...

We chase after other things, other dreams.
We chase after other things and ask blessings from your name.
How is your love this faithful?
How is your mercy so concrete?
How is your grace unquenchable?

Our lips speak our devotion.
Our money and our time tell an inverted story.
How is your patience unmatched?
How is your kindness unfalteringly available?
How are you not exasperated?

Your kindness compels me.
Your faithfulness assures me.
Your devotion reminds me.

Let us, again, return to the Lord.

Day 213: 10/21/2013

God...

I will lie down in peace.
Whatever has gone before,
Whatever has been left undone,
I let it rest.
I lay it down with you.

I will lie down in peace.
Lie down in peace with you.

In the name of the father,
                        the Son,
                        and the Holy Spirit.

Day 212: 20/10/2013

God...

I'm reckless and restless.
We eat your words.  We taste and see that the Lord is good.

I'm weary and tired.
In your presence is fullness of joy.

I'm discouraged and apprehensive.
Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

Day 211: 19/10/2013

The parts in italic are taken from Psalm 107. 

God...

And the hits just keep coming.
And my mind just keeps on flooding.
And some days the fog just won't seem to lift.

He satisfies the longing soul,
and the hungry he feeds with good things.

And my heart seems to wander.
And my mind has its own agenda.
And the tension from a façade of control threatens to win.

He sent out his word and healed them,
and delivered them from their destruction.

Still I come to you,
come to you with every lost, fragmented portion of my soul.
come to you with every doubtful way in me.

Then they were glad the waters were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven.

Rest.

Day 210: 18/10/2013

God...

And I don't do well in all this mess!
I believe you can create space where there is none.
Today, today I believe it.
Do your holy work.
Create space at work, at my home, in my schedule, in my heart and in my soul.

Day 209: 17/10/2013

God...
The night has swallowed the day,
and I just lay it all done.
All the chaos and anxiety.
All the fear and inadequacy.
I lay it all down....
              down deep into your redeeming hands.

Swallow my heart with your love.
Widen my spaces.

Empty.

Day 208: 16/10/2013

Christ,

We splash and sing.
We dance and swim.
And without you,
Without you I am empty.

Your eyes burst forth in quiet laughter.
Your mouth grins wide in playful joy.
And without you,
Without you I am dry.

Delight.

Day 207: 15/10/2013

A whisper and a breaking.
A shouting and a quaking.
A silencing and a tremor.
An enticing and a wooer.
A conquest and a survivor.

Territory

Day 206: 14/10/2013

Scattered and shattered.
Renewed and redeemed.

Subdued and submerged.
Concealed and confessed.

Confined in momentary rest.

Pushed and pursued.
Hidden and ridden.

Unwanted and unravelled.
Enveloped and encircled.

Words stuttered softly.

Encamped.

Day 205: 13/10/2013

God...

And this, this the first night I've actually sat here and seriously contemplated not writing. Throwing this whole adventure out to dry.  The tears just keep flowing.

Water
      flowing,
          leaving,
                Reviving.

Sewing
        mending,
             hemming,
                     fixing.

Plant
     growing,
             feeding,
                   providing.

Star
    shooting,
          burning,
                  captivating.

Broken.  Undone.  Reborn. 

Day 204: 12/10/2013

God,

Fold into us three cups of thankfulness.
Kneed into our souls your mercy and grace.
Blend your lights with your truth and let them satisfy us.
We bake in your love.
Let our faith in you rise, like yeast in the dough.

Oh master baker...
supreme chemist...
make our senses come alive with your flavours.
We surrender to your mixing.

Day 203: 11/10/2013

God...

Guard our goings out and our comings in.
Realign our hearts to feel the warmth of your light.
Position us on your path.

For you are our God.
You are the one our hope rests in.
You are the dock when all around us is wild waves and quick currents.
You are our compass that points us home.

You are the one.
The one our hearts' long for.
You are the one.

Day 202: 10/10/2013

God..

Still me. Quiet me.
Speak "peace" to the storm of my soul.
Silence the fears.
Assure and secure.
Attune and renew every vacant room within me.

Sprit lead me..
Guide me to our first meeting place.
Remind me again and again of your unfailing love.
Tell me the story over and over.

I am my beloved's and he is mine.

Day 201: 09/10/2013

God...

When I walk into the home of my heart I want to see your hat hanging by the door.
I want your things around this home of a heart.
I want your presence in my life to be obnoxiously obvious--like stepping on little pieces of lego.
When I walk into the home of my heart I want to see you standing there, not as a guest but as a permanent fixture.

Open every locked room.
Dust through every cobwebbed space.
My heart is your home.
Come Lord Jesus, Come.

Day 200: 08/10/2013

God...

We open our hands and unfold our lives in an attitude of surrender.
We lean deep into your embrace of grace.
We search thoroughly into your eyes and find our resting place.

We encounter you.
Through the moments of our day we encounter you.

We sink deep into your sofa of comfort.
We put our feet up and nestle in for the night.

You are our strength and our shield.
You are our comfort.

Even your shadow drives the darkness away.
Your words fulfill and satisfy.
Your light and truth march before me in their faithful cadence.

In your presence is where I want to be.

Sing your songs of victory over us while we sleep.
Stay wide awake all through the dark hours of the earth.
Wake us up with your sun.

We delight in your goodness.
We rest in your grace.
Amen

Day 199: 07/10/2013

God...

Our little hearts beat fast in the wake of your grace.
Our souls run wild with the faintest touch of your embrace.
Our ears tingle at the sound of your voice.

In your presence is fullness of joy.

The rain pounds hard and harder still.
The wind thrushes the trees in the leaves in a noisy chaos.
The inward and outward storms are brewing.

In your presence is fullness of joy.

Frightened by enemies without and evils within.
Shaking in the cold of hopelessness.
Wandering farther and father than this heart knew it could go.

In your presence is fullness of joy.

In the stillness of the questions.
In the quiet here with you.
In these moments of fear and terror, awe and wonder
We hear you calm the storm.

In your presence is fullness of joy.

In every situation:
                  In your presence is fullness of joy.

Through every circumstance:
                   In your presence is fullness of joy.

During every prolonged moment of unknown:
                  In your presence is fullness of joy.

The earth is yours.
And all that is in it.
Thanks be to God.
Amen.

Day 198: 06/10/2013

God..

And you plunge me.
Plunge me deep into the deep.
Where me heart beats faster
and my mind runs frantic.

You plunge me.
Plunge me deep into the deep.

And I feel lost and forsaken.
Naked and broken.
Dismantled and frightened.

You plunge me.
Plunge me deep into the deep.

Lost.

Day 197: 05/10/2013

In response to Jeremiah 29:12-14


God...

Are you really going to do that for me?
Are you really going to heal all the places that are broken?
Are you really going to bring me back from a long exile?
Are you actually going to gather all the places that you've scattered?
And make the places of deepest pain the greatest victory?

Day 196: 04/10/2013

God...

And we thank you for the sun which warms and shelters our hearts.
We drink in you like we drink in our coffee.
We breathe you in like feather dust.

Fill our hearts with more than we have room for.
Clean our hearts.
Clean our minds.
Protect us. Guide us.
Stir us and strengthen us.

Our hearts' beat for you. 
                    And for you only.

Amen.

Day 195: 03/10/2013

God...

If I'm honest about today.  It really didn't turn out how I planned or imagined. 
And so I feel broken.  Broken. not enough. too much.  all in one large gulp.

And you quiet me.
You still me.
You tell me to stop and listen.
Your words like a bright colour on a dull page:

I am weaving something of intricate measure and value. I'm washing you free and clean.  I'm launching you into something new and beautiful.  Come apart more with me.  You have grown weary in this life giving task.  This is when you know who you are.  This is when you run free with a tender boldness.  Tender boldness is how you should live.  Don't grow weary in doing good.  I love you.

Day 194: 02/10/2013

God...

And even when the reeds are wrapped around my head...
And even when I feel fortified by mountains of fear...

Your love is still faithful.
Your love still descends down from your holy hill.
Descends down and puts skin on.

Salvation is from the Lord.
And from him only.

Amen.

Day 193: 01/10/2013

And I hear you say to me today....

I know your life isn't turning out how you thought it would or how you planned it.
I know that you sometimes feel you could do a better job at constructing your own life.
And I know that just when you thought you couldn't break anymore, you break. 
You break into what feels like a million fragmented particles of soul.
And I am breaking you...

I'm breaking you whole.

I'm breaking you all the way to freedom, all the way to life. Abundant life.
I'm breaking you past the looming fears and into fragrant love.
I'm breaking you straight through the valley of doubt and into the clear open pastures of faith.

I'm breaking you.
And I'm breaking you whole.

And this kingdom of mine.
This kingdom is upside down and backwards.
It's giving to receive.
It's dying into life.
It's breaking into wholeness.

So don't fight it. Receive it.
Receive it with your arms open wide.

Day 192: 30/09/2013

God...

Steady us. Quiet us.
Compel us deeper into your radiating light.
Twirl us into the depths of your love.
Spin us into clarity.
Tickle us to our senses.

All day long our hope is in you.
Yes our only hope is in you.

Day 191: 29/09/2013

God...

You stitch together every fragmented part and moment of my life.
You mend the seemingly unusable salvage and recycle it.
The patchwork art of your kingdom is incredible.
Sew me new again and again.

Recreate a new pattern.
Experiment.
Enjoy.

Sew me new again and again.

Day 190: 28/09/2013

God...

And people's hearts are just breaking all over the place.
but my heart.  my heart's not.
And it scares me how calloused and hard this heart of mine can get.
It scares me how slow I can be to feel, how quick to refuse pain.

Apathy.

my deadly friendemy.
you silent me.
rot me to nothing on the insides under the guise of control.

Make me alive once again.
Let your spirit of life speak life into these veins
Let your spirit of power break through my hidden maze of lasers.
Let your love soak through the ashes of my hard heart.

Spirit break out.
Christ be Lord.

Day 189: 27/09/2013

I fell in love with Psalm 145 this morning...this is inspired from it.

Holy God,

We declare, shout and proclaim your goodness and mercy like fireworks and phosphorescents.
Each day we will wake up and bless you, bless you and your Holy name.

The Lord is faithful in all his words
And kind in all his works.

We will set apart time in our lives to focus and think about all the wonderful works you do.
We will speak and declare, to each other, your unfaltering kindness to us.
We will tell our children and our children's children our stories of your unending faithfulness.

The Lord is faithful in all his words
And kind in all his works.

You are overflowing in grace. 
Your mercy never runs dry.
Your steadfast love explodes around us like dandelion seeds.

The Lord is faithful in all his words
And kind in all his works.

Everything you make trumpets your praise and glory back to you.
All things created love their maker and are lost without you.

The Lord is faithful in all his words
And kind in all his works.

Your kingdom is something that is sure and solid.
Your authority is limitless.
Your dominion and reign are beyond the depths of space.

The Lord is faithful in all his words
And kind in all his works.

You lift up my head when it feels heaver than the earth.
You speak your truth words to my soul when discouragement fogs up my sight.
You open up your hands and share generously with me.
You suffice. You and you only.

The Lord is faithful in all his words
And kind in all his works.

Thanks be to God.
Amen.

Day 188: 26/09/2013

God...

And you just made the way straight before us.
You lead us through the Red Sea moments of our lives.
We live to reflect you.
                              You and your steadfast love.

You pour mercy down from heaven.
You wash my feet and weary body with the balm of Gilead.
You pour us cups of water from the well of Jacob.
Your steadfast love and faithfulness form walls of refuge around us.

Affirm us.
Surround us.
Heal us.
Amen.

Day 187: 25/09/2013

Holy God,

You call me and you find me.
You lead me and you still me.

Rest my soul in you alone.
Rest my soul in you my Lord.

Sleep come quickly to revive me.
Healing mercies from above.

Send your spirit freely.
Your glory is my living joy.

In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                        and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Day 186: 24/09/2013

Jesus.....

I'm coming.....
                               make me more willing.

I'm coming.......
                               make my feet to walk.

I'm coming......
                                make my heart to still quicker.

I'm coming........
                              don't wait for me...........
                                                                      cause I'm right behind you.

Day 185: 23/09/2013

And it's half way day today!!!!! hard to believe!

Holy God,

You wrap your steadfast love and faithfulness around me like a warm blanket.
You serve me truth words like a nice hot latte--they encourage and soothe my soul.
You go above and beyond for me in every moment of my life.

Gratitude and remembrance are my only responses.

You dismantle all my carefully crafted paradigms.
You twirl into my life in ways I could not have seen coming.
You break down the dividing walls in my heart.

Explore my soul to your hearts content.

I am my beloved's and he is mine.

Day 184: 22/09/2013

Holy God, Sweet Christ, guiding Spirit,

You bend us like you bend light.
Bowing our hearts and lives before you-- in complete surrender.

Chase us with your warmth.
Capture our hearts again and again.
Delight yourself in us.

Your Spirit moves us like the leaves in the wind.
Untangle our thoughts to reflect your grace.

Pursue us with your patient tenderness.
Unwrap our lives for your glory.
File down our rough edges, refine us in your fire.

Yours is the kingdom.
Yours is the glory.
Yours is the power.

Amen.

Day 183: 21/09/2013

Holy God,

You surprise us with your care.
you sparkle through our day like light upon the ocean.
Your creation is incredible.
You've really outdone yourself with today!

We love you,
our other, our holy.

Amen.

Day 182: 20/09/2013

Holy God,

And we delight in the sunlight you lavishly pour on us.
We sing your songs of truth and might.
For, yours is the kingdom, and yours is the glory and yours is the power.

This is your earth.
We are your children.
Guide us by your truth and light and let them lead us.

Be with us.
Be in us.
Be for us.

We love you.
Amen.

Day 181: 19/09/2013

Holy God,
Day in and day out you go out of your way to show me your faithfulness.
You assured me in the quiet moments of my morning, that your workings are wonderful and good.
I am overwhelmed and undone by your loving-kindness and thoughtfulness.

Help me not forget the wonders you have shown me.
Create in me a steadfast and diligent heart.
Bind me to your mind of remembrance with chords stronger than things of this earth.

I love you.
Again and again I lay my life before you.
I will go where you send me and say what you tell me.
Let your holy name be enthroned on high.

Day 180: 18/09/2013

Holy God,

And you excite me with the adventures you call me too.
You terrify me with the leaps you ask me to make.
You explore my soul and find wanting parts in plenty.
Heal my stubbornness, heal my desperate attempts to cling to my rights.

I lay it all down again and again.
I lay down my life, for you.
For you, my other, my holy.
Live loud in my life.
Amen.

Day 179: 17/09/2013

Sweet Christ,

And I limit you. 
Day in and day out I limit you.
Reduce  you down, and boil you out time and time again.

Stop me.
Help me to allow you to live the fullest in my life.
May I become less and you become more.

Spirit,
tunnel out paths for Christ to live louder in my life.
For him to be Lord.

Be truer, be healer, be greater.
I love you.
Amen.

Day 178: 16/09/2013

Holy God,

You plunge me deep.
Deep beneath the surface.
I hold my breath, but you gave me air.

The freedom to walk away.
The choice to stay.
My tears fall, I sing my loyalty to you.

Fear of the unknown.
Leaving the safety and comfort of this home.
Trusting you feels reckless and thrilling.

Soul explosion.

Day 177: 15/09/2013

And it doesn't take long until my list of thanks is longer than my list of complaints...

God,

You grieve me and you grow me.
You will me and you loose me.
You mold me and you freestyle.

You rock my world.
You terrify me,
But you rock my world!

Day 176: 14/09/2013

Holy God,
Your kingdom keeps crashing into my life-- like the patient cadence of the sea across the shore line.
You surprise and enchant me with the creative ways you find me.
Your reckless, pursuing love forces me out of my façade and into adventure with you.

Keep crashing into my life, O holy Spirit.
Keep breaking down my walls, O life-giving Christ.
Keep initiating grace, Holy Father from above.
Invite me again and again, O Mighty Trinity.

Crash into me.

Day 175: 13/09/2013

You drizzle and you dazzle.
You wipe away every last tear.
Your presence calms me.
Your presence invites me, banishing all my rejected tears.

Your love ushers me, invites me
Propels me into your silent spheres.
You undo me
You remind me

Convince me again and again: you're all I need.
Convince me.
Convince me again and again. 

Day 174:12/09/2013

Holy God,

And I want to encounter you.
I want to encounter you in the rapid fleeting moments that make up my life.
I want your presence to permeate and consume every minute moment.

Lord come,
Christ come,
Spirit come,
Redeem the lost seconds,
 rebirth the dead places in me,
 speak your triumph words of life over the defeated areas in my brain.

I love you my other, my holy.
Amen

day 173:11/09/2013

I wonder and I wander
I question and I quake
I ignore and I affirm

Inner turmoil, outer grace
Simple pain, complex healing
Triumph justice, death defeated

Your purple heart leads me home....

Wednesday

Day 172: 10/09/2013

I feel passive to the choices of my life.
My needs and my wants a moot point.
At the mercy of others.
                     Other humans.

And it scares me.

Trusting humans is like climbing up an active volcano.
You never know whether you'll be forced down by the suffocating lack of oxygen

or

whether you'll be burned to ash.

It's all risk. Every last drop of it.

All risk with primarily unfavorable outcomes.
So do you climb anyway?
The impending danger making  you a logical fool to climb?
The risk, the thrill, the high entice you a brave trail blazer?

Lord have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Spirit have mercy.
Amen.

Day 171: 09/09/2013

Holy God,

And we just celebrate the victories!
The ones you've been fighting for us that we hadn't seen.

The Lord your God will fight for you.
He will guide you into his presence and rest.

And we rejoice that your presence isn't always in loud grand gestures,
but sometimes the silent inner workings of your spirit.

I myself, will not leave you like orphans.
It is better for you that I ascend, for then I will send a Helper to be with you.

Le thanksgiving shouts surround your house oh God!
We have seen your work in the mighty and the mini.

Today we have tasted.
Today we have seen.

Thanks be to God.
Amen

Day 170: 08/09/2013

Holy God,

We thank you for your grace.
We thank you for your peace.

Lord have mercy,
Christ have mercy
Spirit have mercy upon us...

Amen.

Day 169: 07/09/2013

God,

You surprise me
         You refine me.

You beckon me.
         You woe me.

You starve me
         You plunge me.

You move me.
         You still me.

You motivate me
           You stop me.

I wrestle with you
              You whisper words of love over me.

Grace.

Day 168:06/09/2013

Holy God,

The rain falls
the thunder calls

The waters nourish us;
the deep makes us grow tall.

Hearts flutter
minds scatter

The waters nourish us;
the deep makes us grow tall.

And you plunge us.
Plunge us deep into your ocean of grace.
Deep into your ocean of unfailing love.

Nourish us.
Grow us.

Amen.

(Bold text from Ez. 31)

Day 167:05/09/2013

Holy God,

And I might feel inadequate right down to the core of my bones.
And I might feel unworthy of anything good.
And I might have woken up almost every day this week at felt 113% intimidated by my own life.
And I might feel myself running on auto pilot, fractures all throughout my insides...

Heal me.
Speak your love over me.
Let your face shine upon me again and again.
Amen

Day 164: 04/09/2013

Holy God,

And you wrap your light around us like a fluffy duvet.
Your love shines bright upon our lives like sunshine after the rain--
its healing rays soaking up every ounce of pain and shame.
Your grace astounds and confounds us.
We sit in awe of you.
You take our breath away.

We love you.
Our other.
Our Holy.
Amen.

Day 165: 03/09/2013

And I hear you say to me today:

"Am I not always faithful to you even when you're not faithful to me? And does my love not go farther than your wandering hard could ever go? And have I not sent my goodness and mercy to follow you all the days of your life?

Rest assured my little ones,

My love for you never cools, never goes out, it is a flame that cannot be quenched, cannot be put out. My love is unstoppable, you cannot manipulate it or bend it.  It is true, pure, life and light.  And apart from me there is no life, there is no love.

With this is mind offer me all you are and have, with no fear and no anxiety. For my love and grace reach far beyond your deepest fear, your darkest nightmare. You never reach a point where my hands cannot untangle you from the life you built, from the web you sowed.

So let my love woe you into complete surrender. Let my grace flow freely in your life. Let my healing in. I have been faithful, I will be faithful, and in this in between time, know that I am still faithful.

All is grace. All is above and beyond. Look to me and you will not be disappointed."

Day 164: 02/09/2013

God,

The rain and the sun inter mingle,
like the dance between summer and fall,
 between joy and sorrow.

My heart beckons you in,
my fears push you out.
Steady and calm.
Quiet and clear.

The tasks ahead seem daunting and overwhelming.
The mountains appear enormous.
Moment by moment.
Step by step.
You affirm and assure.

This is the way.
You are the way.
You are the only way.

Struggle.

Day 163: 01/09/2013

God,

Oh and I just need to write out all my intentions.
Just write them all out to you.
You the one who rescues and who frees.
Who divides and conquers.
Who divides and conquers every stubborn part of me.

Here in my rawness and my brokenness.
In my frailty and my failure.
I offer myself to you.

Here as this mess of a woman that I am.
Making mistakes in a perpetual repeat.
I offer myself to you.

I'm terrified, but you're not.
I'm bewildered, but you're not.
I'm exhausted, but you're not.

You are and I'm not.
You become greater I become less.

Surrender.

Day 162: 31/08/2013

My back might ache
My eyes might be tired
My heart might be discouraged

But your love just seeps through the cracks of this broken vessel.
Your grace lavishly anoints this wandering heart again and again.

Rest heavy with me this night.
Guard my hear while I sleep.
Heal my back through the night.
Calm each fear.

For the one you love, Lord,
the one you love is hurting.

Amen.

Day 161:30/08/2013

Holy God,

We give you thanks.
We give you praise
for all your ways.

You delight in us
We delight in you
Send your spirit like the evening dew.

Your love lingers longer
Your heart beats deeper
Your grace runs truer
than this wandering heart can go.

I love you. My other.  My holy.

Amen.

Day 160: 29/08/2013

You look deep into my eyes and ask me to pray for sun tomorrow.
Tomorrow when you burry him.

I carefully fold the socks and the shoes and think about how these are their last moments above ground.

I see it in your eyes; you're barely hanging in there.
And I'm not sure how you're even still breathing.

And there are shoes everywhere.
People everywhere.
Inside the store is at least 7 degrees more humid than the rest of the mall.

And it's an off day.

I just want to sit down and cuddle you.
Cuddle you and your little feet.
Whisper stories of new beginnings.
Stories of the fun of school and learning.
I hate that those moments have been robbed from you.
When right now, right at this exciting new time, you lost someone.
Someone you really needed.
And my heart just breaks. Just breaks for you.

And it's an off day.

Day 159:28/08/2013

I smell fall coming.
I smell the fresh rain and the crisp decomposing leaves.
My body rests.
Rests into the new routine.

I search to find my lost ring and think about how you search for me.
How you search for all my lost parts: the parts that still need to be found and rescued.
And I'm thankful.

Thankful for your faithfulness which is sure and is not false.
Thankful for your goodness and mercy that follow me like little butterflies.
Thankful for grace notes and moments.
Thankful.
Thankful for you, my other, my holy.
Amen

Day 158: 27/08/2013

Holy God, Sweet Jesus, ever moving Spirit,

I ask for miracles and you tell me to ask for grace.
Clearly I don't know what I need.

So fill me..

Fill me with your life giving and life guiding spirit.
Transplant in me your tender mercy and your kind faithfulness.
Overextend your stay in my heart, live here, forever, take all the rooms you want. Be an inconvenient guest, Lord, for my life is yours. Or I want it to be anyway.

Still me with your overarching, beyond understanding peace.
Open in me a well of the joy of your salvation.
Shed my false skin like that of a snake, show my true colours, show your true colours, Lord.

Be heavy with me this day.
This day be within and without me....

Amen.

Day 157: 26/08/2013

Holy God,

And you're teaching me slowly and surely how to rest. How to be still with you.
You're teaching me how to walk humbly, how to walk each step with you.

I strive and conquer
You demolish and destroy.

I cry and give up in defeat
You speak life and hope

You undo me.
Over and over again you undo me.

Conversion

Day 156: 25/08/2013

Holy God,

I can't seem to keep the days straight, so I float on your faithfulness, on the assurance that you are who you say you are.

And even when I'm tired, and my mind is fully loaded,
I know that even here your grace meets and leads me.
I know that even here in my overthinking, your love chases and pursues me.

You and you only quiet me and heal me.
You and you only sing new songs in my ear.
You and you only teach  me and help me to stay.
You and you only rescue me and mend me.

I love you. You my other. My holy. Amen

Day 155: 24/08/2013

And there are days when I spit at you.
That I look you in the face and tell you, "you're not welcome".

And yet I sit here and complain to you about the moments I feel unwelcome.

My heart is grieved that there are whole days, whole weeks, whole months that I treat you and your babies like that. Unwelcome, unspecial, unbeautiful.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that some days I'm 100% jerk and 0% blessing.
And I pray that your grace would fill up that 0% until its overflowing with digits.

Let your love wash over us...
Wash over our multitude of sins...

Day 154:23/08/2013

And I sit for a moment
I sit for a moment with you underneath this earth that you gave us.
I listen to the rain
quietly, patiently watering your earth through this night.
And I know that your faithfulness is as sure as the rain in Vancouver, even after a long dry July.

My heart quiets
the distractions cease
and its here in your stillness that I am at peace.

And I can wander down the streets of "what if's"
but my heart rests assured in the calm of your care, in the shelter of your willow tree love, that stretches far and wide and hangs over every disappointment, every failed moment.

Rest me in your care, bind my heart to yourself with strong chords of faithfulness.
Let me know your love and let me know it fresh.

In the name of the Father,
His son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Day 153:22/08/2013

Oh and you chase me down
you search until you find every last piece of me.

My heart unfolds before you.
You pierce me to the deepest core.

How is your love this vast?
How is your faithfulness so sure?
How is your healing so thorough?


And I lift up my voice.
Yes I lift in straight up.
In honour and worship
In spirit and in truth.

Fill my heart with your laughter
and my ears with your joy.

For in your presence
and your presence alone
is fullness of joy.

amen.

Day 152:21/08/2013

The moments turn into days
I soak up every ounce of these rays

I find your beauty and truth
in every second, every hour of these moments of my life.

Your love overwhelms and astounds me
guard me and changing me.

It's in these sacred moments among the lilies and the bees
that I find myself and you intertwined in love's faithful seas.

Where your spirit is there is life, healing, truth, and beauty.
May they echo through my day like loud thunder in Alberta.

You are truer
you are stronger
than every moment of my frailty.

It's your kingdom
It's your glory
It's your honour
It's your story.
Forever. Amen.

Day 151: 20/08/2013

I whimper and wail
Where is your love for me?

You pause and pursue
Why do I leave your presence?

I tremble and tattle
Where is your assurance?

You quiet and quilt
Why do I squirm?

I marvel and mutter
Are you actually faithful?

You assure and allow
Why do I believe my fears?

Heart invasion
Heart conversion
Heart consecration

Day 150: 19/08/2013

Holy God,

And how can the holy and the hatred come out of one source?
How can both fresh and salt water flow forth?
How can my mouth sputter both lies and truth?

Your grace washes over
every minute of disdain
every moment of unwarranted pain

and my heart fills with wonder at the grace offered me
in the face of all my selfish distrust

I snatch back the things I gave you
I clench them in my own fists
and they shatter and scatter

but your love ebbs even further
than my wandering heart could go
reaching forward,
pacing backward
dancing back to and fro

my heart settles quiet
under your patient care
speak your kindness over my darkness
and let me nestle there.

Control        GRACE

Day 149: 18/08/2013

And my day was a neat mess from one extreme to the next.

I brought in the morning in silence and simple.
I echoed your praises and shouted prayers for your people.

I looked long and hard; I gazed in a wild attempt to communicate my peace.
But the look boomeranged back all tangled: I see clearly your broken piece.

People, noise, chaos, shoes, garbage: Mess.

And I quieted my soul in the middle of the basement.
My babies by my side singing louder than rotating cement .

Then the four reunited ate and drank round a table.
Taking shots, laughing lots, praying for men who are stable.

Tuck us into your night.
Till the morning turns light.

We Love you Lord Jesus
Come be heavy and near us.

Amen.

Day 148:17/08/2013

Holy God, Sweet Jesus, ever guiding Spirit,

I started the day in this spot.
This patient spot on my couch, with the view out the window.
And I started this day prayer candle lit, coffee in hand, your words saturating my soul.

And I sit here now at the end of my day.
In my same favorite spot. Stars shinning bright. Mind filled up full.
And I end this day prayer candle flickering, glass of wine in hand, writing your prayers.

You quiet me.
In our spot.
On this couch.
Day or night.
You quiet me.
You calm me.

Day 147: 16/08/2013

Holy God, Sweet Christ, empowering Spirit,

We come to you today already acutely aware of our need for you.
Guide us, stir us, move us, shelter us.

We come to you with arms stretched out.
Receive us, heal us, revive us, collect us.

We come to you with burdens to heavy to bare.
Deliver us, enlighten us, love us, shower your grace upon us.

We come to you from both near and far.
Welcome us, pursue us, steady us, find us.

We come to you.
We come to you with all that we have and are.

For,
Yours is the kingdom,
Yours is the glory,
Yours is the power,
Forever. Amen. Amen.

Day 146: 15/08/2013

 You ask me to pray.  And to text back, "I'll be praying" just felt like a Christian cop out.  I've thought for a few hours about how to respond and I've decided to write.  When I read your text I felt like I could hear the depths of your soul crying out and I want you to know that, yes, I'm gonna join this journey with you and pray. I'm going to advocate on your behalf with all the heavenly hosts. 

And so I pray:

Holy God,

I pray that you would fill us with the knowledge of your grace. That you would soak our souls in your strength.  That your light and truth would radiate in a large circumference around our brains. That we would be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves. 

I pray that you would peel back that layers of paralyzing fear with your unstoppable, all powerful, patient love. That you would breathe truth and grace into the places of greatest anxiety. That you, the Holy God, the one who marched into hell and declared victory, would exert yourself as victor in the deepest fears, especially the unvoiced ones. 

I pray that you would fortify and protect from sickness, from over-self diagnosing, from the lies of inadequacy.  That your mighty truth speaking love would be there on the long heavy days when the way seems and feels too steep and too lonely, on the light joyful days, but also on the ordinary, mundane days. 

I pray that you would remind us that you operate in paradoxes and to not be discouraged when life doesn't seem to make sense.  That you would remind us that it is through the breaking that we become whole.  That it's through the falling that we find our strength. That through the getting lost we become found. 

But above all, I pray that you would remind us that you are with us and that there is never a moment we aren't with you. That there is no circumstance for which you will leave us unattended. That there is no activity or failure that will cause you to turn your back on us.  You are faithful and we rest in that faithfulness because it is sure and is not false.

We give you thanks.

Yours is the power.
Yours is the glory.
Yours is the kingdom.
Forever. Amen.

Day 145: 14/08/2013

Today I choose...

Today I choose to unwrap every second of goodness.
I choose to take the time to breathe and be present to the moments of my life.
I choose to welcome the changes you're making and to celebrate new victories.
I choose to explore possibilities I've never considered.
I choose to engage and become awake to the people you bring through my life.
I choose to receive every moment as a gift from you.

Because.....

All is grace.
All is above and beyond.
All is extra.
All is foam and caramel sauce on top.
All is grace.

Day 144: 13/08/2013

Holy God,

I lay back and float on the rivers of your grace today.
I let the melody of your heart resound deep in the caverns of my soul.
I surrender my will, my agendas, and embrace the patterns you're carving in my life.

Heal my apostasy.
Speak life to the places I keep at gun point.
Speak truth to my unending mountain of fears.

Righten the wrongs.
Straighten the crooked.
Burst things into life that have long laid dead.

Be holy in my heart.
Be a cut above all else.
I love you
My other,
My holy.
Amen.

Day 143:12/08/2013

Holy God,

You make all the crooked places straight.
You righten all the wrongs.
You redeem the irredeemable.
Your generosity is straight up astounding.

You till the earth of my soul.
You let it lie fallow.
You water it with my tears.
Your faithfulness is unmatched in this land of the living.

You write deeper stories and truer patterns than I see.
You speak order into my chaos and beauty into my mess.
You untangle my knots and patiently comb through my life.
Your ebbing, concrete peace is completely disarming.

Have your way, Lord.
Have your way.
For I am mere human and you are Almighty.

In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                        and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Day 142:11/08/2013

And its that day. And it feels like it's been "that" day far too often lately.  I sit there in my ripped jeans with my lost and found shirt on and I honestly can't believe how you work these tiny details in my life. I listen, and listen hard about your relentless finding patience. I listen to the story of you leaving the 99 and searching, searching late into the night for your one.  For your one little baby.

And I think about how I feel lost way more than I feel found.

And I can't help but wonder if this is a common human experience or just a weird Jenny thing.  And I try and prepare a lesson for my babies tonight but I'm restless in my constant running away.  So I clean the fridge.  And when I say "clean the fridge" I mean I cleaned the fridge.  Two whole white garbage bags full of uneaten moldy food.  And I took that fridge apart and scrubbed those surfaces. I hear Jesus' phrase to the Pharisees: "first wash the inside then the outside will come clean". I feel Him scrubbing the inside of my soul as I scrub the inside of my fridge. Its like an outward manifestation of the inward work. And I'm not sure what the changes mean or bring, but two full bags of garbage came out. And I feel renewed.

And so I pray:

Holy Father,

I pray that you would keep me clean.
That you would keep my heart and soul set on the things of you.
That you would fill me with your nourishment.
That I would taste and see that you are good and that your steadfast love endures forever.

I pray that you would curb my urge to run.
That you would make me lie down by green pastures and restore my soul by still waters.
That goodness and mercy would follow me and go before me all of my days.

I rest in you.
I rest in your unchanging truth.
Wash me. Then heal me.
That I may be a prepared dwelling place for you my Lord.

In the name of the Father,
his Son and the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

Day 141: 10/08/2013

And this is how Saturdays are suppose to be (A list of thanksgiving to a most Holy God):

When you wake up after a deep long sleep with only a few dreams.
You wake early and curl up in your duvet on the deck, latte in hand skyping with one of your besties.
When by 10:30 you're onto coffee number three and laughing through the work day.
When you get to see a friend after they've been away for a while.
When you spend your evening at a pool party surrounded by friends savouring every second of your steak.
And when your bring your evening to an end with a movie in one of those small-town-put-your-feet up-on-the-seat-infront of you kind of theaters.
A full Saturday, a lovely Saturday.  I give you thanks.

Day 140: 09/08/2013

Holy God,

The inspiration is completely gone. It's like I am required to live the moments of my life before I can write some kind of response to you. It's like I need to see how this day that you've given me is going to turn out before I can offer up my praise of thanks, or my lament.

 I sit here and realize just how much fear I'm living under.

So come Christ,
     Come Father,
     Come Spirit,

Deconstruct every carefully crafted tower of fear and control.
Center me, yep, position me right on your lap that I may look into your eyes yet again.
Let me look into your eyes and experience all the fear and hurt just fall to the ground, like the leaves off a deciduous tree in the fall.
Shed my fear like the skin of a snake.
Teach me to walk wisely in your freedom.
Teach me to walk as one who has tasted water from the well of Jacob.

Remind me who I am, and who you are.
Center me. Focus me. Adjust my aperture.

Day 139: 08/08/2013

I contemplate whether it's an orange creamcicle kind of day.  I'm 73.4% sure it is, but that's just not enough to convince this girl to wear her orange sherbet pants.  Not even three hours later am I eating an orange popsicle and spill it all over my grey and blue outfit and I realize that it really was a Bacardi breezer pant kind of day. 

And that's how I feel...

Just so out of sync with what is actually going on in my own life.  As if blue and grey are the colours of my days, when in reality there's a bright sun rise and sun set.

And so I pray...

I pray that you would catch me up to speed.
That you would sync my soul to your heart and your will.
That you would speak your truth words all over my life, at the beginning of each day and at the close of each night.
That your patience and love would push through every minute of writers block.
That your goodness and mercy would swallow up all of my despair and hopelessness.

Delight on me and I you. 
Again and again sweet Jesus the Light.
I love you. My other. My Holy.

Day 138: 07/08/2013

I wake and enjoy my moments of coffee.
I read your words up.
I taste them but they don't dig deep, they don't sink in.

I fight to have the joy.
I give thanks through clenched teeth.
I write your truth words on my hand in hopes that their power will be like the ink and soak deep into my veins.

I speak harsh to you. No kindness in my dialogue.

Yet....

You are relentless in your tenderness.
You send one of my besties with coffee and kind loving truth words right into the store.
You send bubbles of hugs and laughter.
You send steak and wine on a new barbeque.

You're pushing out my bitterness and hurt with your tender love and mercy.
I'm in awe of your workings.

Day 137: 06/08/2013

I just keep breaking
and breaking
and breaking.

Break me whole.
Scatter me found.
Dishevel me pretty
Delete me complete.
Tear me together.

Day 136: 05/08/2013

Holy God,

And it's been that kind of day.  The day that just seems slightly off tilt.  The day I head out to buy coffee and find myself at my friends house, barging in unannounced asking for coffee.

I'm avoiding you.
Avoiding dealing with you.

Barge into my life, barge into my mind, plunge yourself into my life, Christ, ask for coffee.
 Make me stop and sit with you for a while.
Make me linger a little longer, listen a little truer.
 I want to be faithful to you and to you only.

And my heart it will only rest when it finds its resting place in you.
So chase me down, search after me and all my scattered parts.
Pursue me with your reckless love until I am 130% assured of your goodness and mercy.
Shelter me with your truth. Anoint me with your spirit.
All day long I put my hope I you, Yes my only hope is in you.
Amen.

Day 135: 04/08/2013

God,

I lay on the floor and teach your words.
I lay there and make your babies stare at your truth words.
I make us just stare at your poignant question that strikes chords deep and to the bone.
And we ask ourselves over and over in the deep parts of our mind: "do I want to be healed?"
I want to scream "yes", but to live the "no" seems so much safer, seems so much more within my own control.

But I do...I utter my small "yes".
I say "yes" to your healing.
          "yes" to your life.
          "yes" to you and all that your bring.
           "yes".

Come Lord Jesus come.

Day 134: 03/08/2013

Sweet Christ of life,

We delight ourselves in your presence.
We embrace your life giving truth and we let their words wash over us.
We listen to your words, we paint them. We chew on them.
Speak Lord, your servants are listening.

We soak our hearts in your healing presence.
We receive your anointing. We partake of the Balm of Gilead.
Heal Lord, for your servants are willing.

We rest in your peace today.
We float on your waters of love. We bob up and down on your lake of faithfulness.
Invite Lord, for your servants are entering.

In the name of the Father,
His Son,
and His Holy Spirit.
Amen .

Day 133: 02/08/2013

Oh and it's that kind of day.  You know the one I mean.  The day you sit down at the computer to write with cookie dough and a chai tea.  The day you take a picture of the magnets on the fridge that spell "look wild ones for grace each moment" because you know you're gonna need the reminder a gazillion times. 

The day you wake to rain, that slow now unfamiliar drizzle that somehow makes you slow down, relax.  That makes you just want to curl up on the deck in your down blanket and read the day away. 

I feel this new rhythm it's been pushing its cadence forward faintly for a while.  A silent shift in the atmosphere. A quiet content kind of change. A stilling. A calming. A quieting. And today I'm ready.  I'm ready to open my arms and embrace it.

I walk out my front door, smile at my neighbour who's out having his first smoke of the day. He smiles in return and whispers, "have a good day".  And those words follow me like a large announcement, echoing round and round in my head.  Those kind morning words from my long-hared smoking neighbour feel like a commissioning.  A commissioning like I haven't experienced in years, so different from the ones at the front of the church with hands laid on. A commissioning I can't even seem to define. A commissioning I didn't know was waiting for me.

The common and the sacred collide mingling into a quiet explosion in the early morning air. I can barely breathe in awe of my surprise holy moment.  And I'm more sure than ever of that silent shift in the atmosphere today. Of this transformation in my heart. This new chapter.  This new season of stillness.

And so...
I rest today.  I rest in the refreshing of your rains.  I rest in the sureness of your faithfulness. I surrender completely to you, a new level.  Yes, I allow you to ground me once again in your steadfast love. Let your presence surround me as your breakdown my walls. I love you, my other, my holy.

Day 132: 01/08/2013

Holy Father,

We sit in your presence.
We let the cold morning air refresh our brains and thinking.
We drink our coffee letting it work its way into our hearts and minds.
We enjoy the fragrance of a candle.
And we talk about hard truths and extreme vulnerability
We laugh over silly things and the awkward moments of our lives...

In your presence is fullness of joy.
We have seen and are still seeing your goodness unfold in our lives.
We delight in you.
We delight in who you are.
Open our hands, unfold more of your life giving, death defying presence.

We love you.
We thank you.
Amen.

Day 131: 31/07/2013

Holy God,

And even when the way is long and steep,
and when the day is full,
your goodness and mercy just seem to follow me every extra mile.
Your strength surrounds me and I hear victory shouts.
Nourish me with your loving kindness.
Delight in me again and again.
May the joy of your presence echo louder and louder.

I am my beloved's and he is mine.
Set me in your presence forever.
Amen.