You're gonna be more than just "fine".

So I'm kinda taking a little bit of a step back from life right now.  Taking sometime to sit down for a while. Sit down, look around and listen. But if you know me well, you know this girl doesn't do a "quiet" life all that well. And so I fight it.  But in the rare moments of my quiet, in the quiet change, in the raw basics, the stripped to the bone moments of life, that the truth seems to just boil down.  Boil down into a calm simmer of simplicity.


And today, today this is what I hear Christ say:


You are gonna be more than just "fine".  I'm gonna heal you whole and write you a new song.  I'm gonna sing songs of peace to your wounds of greatest grief.  I'm taking your heart of stone and I'm giving you a live, beating one.  A wild one. So sit in the shelter of my love while I transplant your heart, while I re-grow something beautiful. 

It's Monday and maybe you're already feeling defeated by this week,


 this offer still stands:


 "come to me, all who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for you souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28


Come you, you who are weary to the core, you who's soul feels ripped out and trampled on, you who feels defeated and beat up by life, you who experiences tragedy after tragedy, you who are sick and suffering, you who are straight up burnt out, you who are disappointed by life. 


come.


you.


come.


Rest is still my offer. Rest deep to the core of your bones. Rest deep in the lost places of your heart. Rest in the frantic worrying's of your mind. Rest in the restless stress beats of anxiety.


Rest.


Soul Rest.


So come...


Just come.


Come find rest. Come find me.

I'm not really sure how you're doing, if you're just barely hanging in there, or if your life is on top of the world. I'm not sure if you're weary to the bone, or if life just can't stop bubbling out of you. I'm not really sure if someone walked out of your life when you really needed someone to walk in, or if you can't stop eating, or if you can't start.  And I'm not sure if you're stressed about where your gonna live in the near future, or if you need a job, or if you're terrified sick about school.  And I'm not sure if your bones are breaking when you're needing them to heal, or if your body seems to just be giving up you.  I'm not sure what your fear is, or how deep it goes. I'm not sure what you hurts are, or how fresh they feel. And I'm not sure if you're in full force world wars with God, or if his sweetness is just lavishing upon you.


I'm not really sure.
And I'm just assuming that there's a whole rainbow of us out there.


But what I am starting to see is that those Puritan's were right when they cried out to God: that the Valley is the place of vision, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the deeper the wells the brighter the stars. And that these prayers weren't carelessly prayed, but that they were belched out in unadulterated truth.


So maybe you didn't have the greatest day, or week, or month, year, maybe even decade, but that valley, that valley that you're walking through it is the place of vision, the place of creativity, the place life giving paradox.


So may you live in your valley, and may you live there well. Not trying to get out, go around, or skip over. But may you walk right through it, with unclenched teeth and a skipping heart. Because there is rest for the weary, love for the fearful, food for the malnourished, companionship for the lonely, there is grace for the sinner, and life for the wounded, holiness for the broken. Because  that's just who Christ is, and what he's about.

And this heart just breaks and breaks, and bleeds and bleeds at the possibilities that could have been. And the agony just waves like nausea. This dying to pride, this dying to self, this surrendering, this realization that I am not God just breaks this heart open and open and open some more.


And I finally wash the barf filled cloths from Sunday. And I wash this ponytail-neglected hair and comb through the knots, comb through the knots of my life Lord. I am weak, so weak that I cannot even comb my own knots out.


Sooth this soul, assure this heart that your love goes beyond even this, even now. Assure this heart that your love goes deeper, that your love goes purer.


And I take back control in one quick motion, in a guise of reliant prayer. But your truth sees through my towers of Babel. Even in this your Spirit hovers over, hovers over my deep darkness and creates something new. Something fresh. Something alive. Hover over my darkness Lord, and create in me a clean heart.

And I still miss the writing, not everyday, but sometimes. Sometimes like now. I miss the sitting down and spewing it out.  Spewing it out until I sort myself out. Cause this girl can think herself crazy. But writing, writing just walks me into truth. Like baking, baking just creates the chaos of ingredients into a solid, nutrient filled delight where order can reign again! 


And so this Sunday afternoon, this chaotic, lost soul baked herself into order.  Zucchini banana chocolate muffins currently morph into, what I hope, will taste amazing little treats! So we bake and we pray:


Lord,
Order our chaos. Find us in our lost places. Retrieve us from our valleys of fear and brokenness. Untangle our internal distress and straighten us with your truth. Delight our souls in your light, like flowers turning to the sun. You`re our life beat, our heart beat. Delight our souls in your presence, our Holy, our one.


Amen.

This girl is missing the writing....

And this body of mine is twitching-eye tired.  And this soul is shaking in the wake of spoken prophetic words not ready to ripen. I hear you calling me to sleep and to eat.  To eat and to sleep. Like Elijah and the angels.


And you wake this weary soul way to early, but with such alertness.
And you nudge this heart broken soul to Wednesday morning Mass.
The early coffee, the wooden pew, the cadence of liturgy ebbing me forward.
"The Lord encamps around those who love him; sending angels to their help." (or something like that) "Those who look to him are radiant".


And I have no words to articulate this meaning;
But in the silence you meet me. You heal me. You feed me.
In the quiet rhythms of Wednesday morning you assure this tired soul of your goodness.
You untangle the confusion, you straighten the crooked.


"Those who look to you are radiant."


We breathe in your life words.
We exhale their living power.


Teach our hearts when our reason gives way.
We love you Lord Jesus, live loud in our hearts!

The REAL day 365: 22/03/14

And I'm so far from being ready to be here tonight! So far from having this small, yet massive writing project come to an end. I'm experiencing loss and grief, this task has become a faithful companion to my days of 28.


And then there's this other part of me that is so relieved that tomorrow I don't have to make time to write. Or experience the "trauma" of posting my soul for all to read.  On that note I think I'm starting a new adventure: A painting a week for 29.


I'm not sure what I expected when I set out on this writing craze. I don't feel like a better writer, I don't feel closer to God, or that I have more of life figured out. But what I did learn is the importance of making holy creativity a priority.  Many of my most tranquil, restful, life-giving moments of the year can be found in connection with the quiet inner creative vomit. I found a stillness, a healing, a reconciliation that seems beyond words.


My prayer tonight:


Lord bless me,
and the words that have been written.
Lord be with me,
and the places I will go.
Lord care for me,
in your direction I will sow.


In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                 and the Holy Spirit.
                                Amen.

Day 370: 21/03/14

God,


And you meet us where we haven't found you yet.
And we seek you in the places we haven't seen you yet.


Come awaken us.
Come awaken us to life.


We love you, our other.
We love you, our holy.


Be Lord in our hearts.
Be Lord in our lives.


I love you Lord Jesus! Live loud in my heart!

Day 369: 20/03/14

We delight in you Lord.
We delight in you even when we can't see you.
                              even when we feel like you cannot be found.


We seek first your kingdom Lord.
We seek first your kingdom when all we see is chaos and destruction.


We are found by you, Lord.
Even when we feel lost.
            We are found by you Lord.
                             We are found by you.

Day 368: 19/03/14

Reminders of Psalm 39


Lord,
Remind us how fast our lives are evaporating.
Show us, depict to us that we are tiny in the grand cosmos.
Invade our hearts.
Pacify our fears.
Unleash your love.


My only hope is in you.

Day 367: 18/03/14

Lord,


And we reach out and touch the hem of your garment.
We stretch out our hands in faith and ask for healing.


Renew us in your steadfast love.
Strengthen us in your peace.


Your kingdom: your power.
Your kingdom: your glory.


Amen.

Day 366: 17/03/14

Lord,


And as we leave this day-
                  leave it in your gracious hands.
We rest our troubled hearts.
We rest our trembling hands.


As we lay down to sleep, lay down and reflect, draw to mind those moments where you met us, those moments we do not recall.


You made yourself known.
Show us again and again Lord.


Reawaken my soul.
Amen.

Day 365: 16/03/14

Obviously I can't count!!! hahah.


Mystery of all mysteries I don't understand you at all.
Kindness of all kindness I don't get you!
My eyes feel fused shut, but the warmth of your holiness leaves me in awe.
The warmth of your otherness expands my horizons beyond what I know.


Hover over me as you did the deep.
Hover over me.
I wait on you.

Day 364: 15/03/14

Slow me down.
Take me back to the beginning.
Remind me of how you made me.
Remind me how you wove me together in love.


Turn down my clock.
Quiet my mind.
Remind me of your goodness and mercy.
Remind me that they follow me.


Stretch out my days.
Let them last in lingering moments.
Remind me you are enough.
Remind me you are enough for all of me.


Calm my anxious heart.
Surrender its beating beats.
Remind me of your control.
Remind me of your supremacy.

Day 363: 14/03/14

God,


And my priorities might be all over the map.
And I might lack the self control to stick to my lent activities.
And my pride and might roar with "unrighteous" anger.
And I might feel like I've got it all wrong, like I've got it all backwards.
And I might want to run as far away as I can.


So let your love come in like a flood, overwhelming and overriding.
Surprise me with your care
Enchant me with your wonder.
Unlock my hardened heart, soften it into soil.
Prepare my being to be your tabernacle, your holy sanctuary of life.


Rearrange my thinking
Root your truths, weed out the lies.
Plant your seeds in me, your seeds of the Spirit.


Lord, have mercy.
Amen.

Day 362: 13/03/14

God,
And I'm tired, tired on my insides.
Weary with nothing left to give.
Taken advantage of and beyond repair.


But you are hope. You are joy. You are life.
Release freedom where there is bondage.
Wise words where there is only a gossiping tongue.


Create in me a clean heart,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Amen.

Day 361: 12/03/14

God,


Let the whole earth rise up and praise you.
Let glory and light surround you.
Let the stars bow in submission and adoration, their glimmer nothing in comparison with you.
Let lawns burst forth into spontaneous flower beds.
Let buds bloom in adoration.
Worthy are you.
Worthy are you only.
Amen.

Day 360: 11/03/14

God,


You are holy, other, set apart, set above.
We need your interference in our lives, we crave it, we seek it.
Place us in your pathway.
Encounter us to the extreme.
Make your existence increasingly real.
It's your kingdom we hunger for.
It's your presence we seek.
Search us.
Know us.
We love you, our other, our holy.
Amen.

Day 359: 10/03/14

Lord,


You came
You found
You healed
You led.


Lead us
Heal us
Find us
come....

Day 358: 09/03/14

And you Lord,
         Are Lord even in this.
          Even in the midst of this breaking.


And you Lord are hope.
                      In this.
                       Even in this bleak and rain-worn land.


And you Lord are peace.
                        In this.
                        Even in this transitional upheaval.


And you Lord are joy.
                        In this.
                        Even in this loss and grief.


You are Lord. Even in this.  Even in now. Amen

Day 357: 08/03/14

God,
And my heart feels like it could stop with all this pain.
And my eyes feel like they could drain the ocean with all these tears.
Sadness over sadness.
Grief over grief.


In your presence is fullness of joy.
In your presence is perfect peace.
In your presence is depth of rest.
In your presence.
In you.
Amen.

Day 356: 07/03/14

Show me your goodness again and again.
Teach me your wonders over and over.
Speak our your life, speak your truth to my bones.
Tell my heart once again of your glory and splendour.
Draw me fuller and truer into you.
Amen

Day 355: 06/03/14

Trying something new today...if you're reading this follow the instructions of the italics.


Lord,


Today we come with both joys and sorrows
(List two sorrows, list two joys).
Lord, hear our prayer.


Today on our hearts are those who are hurting, those who are sick.
(name those who come to mind)
Lord have mercy.


Today we lay in your hands the things we want to control.
(List the worry you cant seem to let go of)
Into your hands we commit our spirits.


All things done.
All things left half done.
All things undone
We lay in your more-than-capable- hands.


Watch over us while we rest.
Guard us long into the night.
Shelter us with your unrelenting care.


In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                and  the Holy Spirit.
Amen

Day 354: 05/03/14

Lord,


We await your majesty.
We look for it.
We watch for your coming.
We listen for your truths.


Birth in us this lent season:
creativity and generosity.
Humility and grace.
We seek you  and we seek your glory.
We look to no other.
Our eyes are on you.

Day 353: 04/3/14

Reflections on lent:


You snuck up on us lent.
Surprise!
You're here
you in all your wonder, your giving up, your making space.


its here in lent that I'm always surprised and astounded by your paradoxes.
that in the time of giving up there is the finding of abundance.
That in the hurry there is found space.
That in the "need" there is freedom.


Lent reminds me that I need God above all else.
Lent reminds me that all of my eggs are in one basket: the basket of Christ.
Lent reminds me, it teaches me how to make space where there is none.
Lent invites me to watch as I anticipate the work of our saviour.
Lent invites me into the story of Christ.

Day 354: 03/03/14

Inspiration to inspiration.
You led me through the unexpected into beauty.
Inspired by the art I see, Inspired to create with you, with what you've given me.
Inspired to shout loud what I hear you say.
Fill me with your presence as I rest my head upon my pillow.

Day 353: 02/03/14

God,


And you plunge me deeper with each inviting step.
You take me further and wider than I thought I could go.
You challenge me to trust in the midst of extreme doubt.
You ask more than you've ever asked.
Help me be brave.
Help me be brave Lord.

Day 352: 01/03/14

God,
We lay all the worrying that doesn't need worrying down.
We lay all the fears that hold us captive into your hands.
You are God and you are love regardless of what my befall.
Here at your feet I rest.
Here at your feet I lay.
Do your work in me God.
Do your work in me.
Amen.

Day 351: 28/02/14

Lord,


And we lay down all our fears and failures.
We lay down all our doubts and desires.
Quiet our hearts as we sleep.
Let our dreams be filled with life-giving adventures.
Embark us on our journeys.
Settle us in your care.
Encourage our hearts and keep us from despair.
We love you.
Amen

Day 350: 27/02/14

Lord,


Make yourself known in all of my unknown.
Make yourself order in all of my chaos.
Show up where I don't see you.
Find me where I can't find you.
Un-hurry my life and strengthen your cadence.
Perfect your peace in this broken heart.
Heal with your fire.
Speak in your truth.
AMen

Day 349: 26/02/14

I was looking for you, Christ child, because I couldn't find you.  And not being able to find you, I myself began to feel lost.  With each hour that passed, my distress became more intense. My feelings of hope, security, joy and love seemed to vanish with missing you.  Until you found me, my missing grew worse.

Day 348: 25/02/14

Lord,


And its in your presence I find healing, I find rest.
Let nothing stop me, nothing hinder me from the quest of you.


Sing your songs into my soul.
Plunge your truth into my veins.
Place your eyes inside my sight.
Speak your life into this heart.


You are healing.
You are life.
You are rest: in your presence is fullness of joy.


CONVERSION.

Day 347: 24/02/14

You are my resting place God.
Let me find rest this night.


You are safety and shelter.
Watch over me while I sleep.


You are protection and healing.
Rewire my brain cells even as I sleep.


You are peace Lord.
Let your peaceful, stillness descend into this room.


Sleep come quickly.
Dreams be sweetly.
Christ please meet me.


Amen.

Day 346: 23/02/14

God,


You there today? Cause I'm not feeling you so much.
 I'm seeing your workings but your presence I seem to lack.
Quicken your spirit to these decaying, weary bones.
Chase these nightmares with your power, for there's nothing left in me.
Meet me in the stillness for I know I'll find you there.
Greet me with your kindness for this heart is tender and bare.


Undone.
Beyond undone.

Day 345: 22/02/14

God,
Your mercy and grace are as surprising as unexpected snow.
Your love so steadfast, your faithfulness so sure.
Keep sending surprises of delight.
Help my eyes to be on the look out for a all that you do.
Rejoicing in the unexpected!

Day 344: 20/02/14

God,


Your kingdom is calling, help me to answer.
Your kingdom is moving, help me to get on board.
Your kingdom is shaping, help me be transformed.


Your kingdom
Your glory
Your Honour
Your power
Amen

Day 343: 19/02/14

Inspired by Psalm 43


Lord,


You Lord, are my peace and my rest.
You Lord, are the one whom my soul delights.
You Lord, are where I want to be.


Bring me to your Holy mountain.
Let your truth words and your everlasting light point out the way for me to walk.
You love encompasses all of me.


lead me Lord
Lead me to your holy hill.
Amen

Day 342: 18/02/14

God,


Remind me that your grace overrides, supersedes, goes above and beyond each day that I breathe.


Encourage and encounter.
Shatter and shelter.


Your life breathing power flowing through theses veins.
All that remains undone, the projects left midway-- I leave them in your hands, I rest them in your grace.


Soak my soul as I sleep
Infuse me with your oil
Nourish me with rest.


I love you,
my other, my holy.
Amen.

Day 341: 17/02/14

I pray this especially over my church today, but also for all who read it and their families.


God,
Come like a forest fire.
Smoke us out of our complacency.
Burn our hearts with holy fire.


Breathe your healing from on high.
Sing your life into our bones.


We need your spirit.
We need your fire.
It's a dry bones emergency.


We need your presence.
We need your guidance.
It's an apathetic epidemic.


So come like fire.
So come with your spirit.
Quench us till we thirst some more.


So come.... wreck us into life!

day 340: 16/02/14

And I hear Christ say to me...


"Sweet heart, today is not just another day to get through.  Your day might be packed, your schedule might be swamped, but I'm the king of creating space.  I'm the king of creating space where there is none at all.  Look to me.  Breathe through the moments and not the whole.  Don't white wash the day as a goner, but enjoy each adventure as it come forth.  Listen attentively.  Worship like never before.  Full not frantic.  Full not frantic."

Day 339: 15/02/14

I woke up and my tree was being seriously pruned = inspiration.


Lord,
You prune me like they pruned my tree.
You cut back some of the unruly growth to grow me the way you want me to.
The smell of the freshness makes me explode with life, while at the same time evoking the dreaded exposed feeling.


Be the master arbour of my life.
Trim what needs to be trimmed.
Cut back what needs to be cut back.
But do it all Lord, with love.


In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                 and the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

Day 338: 14/02/14

God
Oh and you are Lord over every chaotic moment of my life.
You are Lord in, through, and over all the transitions and changes.
Exalt yourself as Lord yet again.


Remind this beating heart that all your ways are good, that your steadfast love does really endure forever.
Remind this weary soul that rest is always available, I only need seek you and your presence.
Remind these doubting eyes of the ways I do not see.
Let me float on your unchanging grace.


In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
               and    the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

Day 337: 13/02/14

Responses from Psalm 130, quotation from Celtic prayer of Northumbria






In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                 and the Holy Spirit.


You have brought us through the wilderness and brought us through the storm.
So as we wait upon your goodness, we rest assured of more to come.


R: Our souls wait for the Lord,
 more than watchman for the morning.
more than watchman for the morning.


You have been faithful to us in the past, you will be faithful to us in our future.
And in the waiting we remind ourselves and each other of your faithfulness.


R: Our souls wait for the Lord,
More than watchman for the morning.
More than watchman for the morning.


We have tasted your goodness. We have seen your delight.
So in the midst of the night we proclaim your holy light.


R: Our souls wait for the Lord,
More than watchman for the morning.
More than watchman for the morning.


In your word we find a compass. Your Spirit a faithful guide.
You, Father, give us a reason to hope.
You, trinity, the manifestation of steadfast love.


R: Our souls wait for the Lord,
more than watchman for the morning.
More than watchman for the morning.


Leader: "May the peace of the Lord go with you, wherever he may send you."


In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                and the Holy Spirit.


Amen.

Day 236: 12/02/14

Lord,


Find your place in me.
Let my soul be your resting place.
Be a permanent fixture in my heart.
Set up shop in my soul, Lord.
Settle in and put your slippers on.


R: My soul waits for the Lord,
In steadfastness it waits.


Amen.

Day 235: 11/02/14

Lord,
Resting in your presence is where I want to be.
Always healing, always nurturing in your splendor here to stay.
Our hearts colliding, heaven's breathing breaking in.
Let me listen, really listen.
Let all that is within me taste the Holy Spirit.


In your presence is fullness of joy.


Amen.

Day 234: 10/02/14

Lord,
I want to fall more in love with life; more in love with you.
Let your love draw me closer than I ever imagined.
Let your peace beckon constant in the raging of the storm.
Let the life that is in you be transplanted into me.
Sync my soul, sync my life until we're intermingling.


I love you Lord Jesus! Live loud in my heart!

Day 323: 09/02/14

A call sung and response based on several psalms (never written one before hahah, trying something new).


The whole earth is the Lord's and the fullness there in.


We have tasted; we have seen.
We believe we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.


The whole earth is the Lord's the fullness there in.


We lay down all the anxiety, all the worry
knowing that each day has enough problems of its own.


The whole earth is the Lord's and the fullness there in.


Hearts heavy and laden we lay at your feet.
We lay at your feet.


The whole earth is the Lord's and the fullness there in.


Your goodness and mercy follow after us
wherever we go.


The whole earth is the Lord's and the fullness there in.


Be still my beating heart. For His love is faithful and His steadfast love endures forever. Amen.

Day 322: 08/02/14

Lord,


Help us let go of the things we cannot change.
Help us to lay the day down and just let it go.
Bless our sleep and our moments of rest.
Watch over us by night and see to us by day.


Create in us clean hearts and renew right spirits within us.


Wash over all the things left undone.
Remind us that our worth is in you and not what we accomplish.


Create in us clean hearts and renew right spirits within us.


Challenge us to the next adventure.
Make straight the way for tomorrow.


Restore to us the joy of your salvation, and uphold us with a willing spirit.


Even in the unplanned, tragic moments of our lives, we seek your face.
Even in the 'less-than-perfect' attitudes and actions or our hearts we say:


Restore to us the joy of your salvation
and uphold us with a willing spirit.


Yours is the kingdom.
Yours is the power.
Yours is the glory. Forever. Amen.

Day 321: 07/02/14

Lord,


Let your love flow through me like a freshly snaked drain.
Let your grace echo loudly like a loud PA system.
Let your peace settle freely, like immigrants in Canada.
Let your joy spread profusely like confetti in the air.
Let the seeds of your kingdom be our defining features.
Let the seeds of your kingdom grow in us.
Let the seeds of your kingdom blossom where you want them.


In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                 and the Holy spirit.
Amen.

Day 320: 06/02/14

Lord,
Swallow me up in your love.
Encompass my entire prospective with your love.
Rattle me to the core with your grace.
May the smile lines in my cheeks and eyes grow deeper because of our laughter.


Invite me over and over into your uncharted mercies, the quest of wandering souls.
Rip the vale.
Swallow me whole.
Amen.

Day 319: 05/02/14

Christ,


Fix my eyes on you.
Root them clear and sure on you.


And we shout your truths, we speak them out loud right into our souls, let them dance freely around in our minds.
We bask in your goodness, we rest in, even in the uncharted territories of undeserved grace.
We are victorious, in you we are victorious.
We are peaceful, in you we have peace.
We are loving, drenched in the sent of your love.
We are patient, in the mercy of your care.


We are more than conquers, we are co-heirs with Christ!
In the power of his name, in the power of his blood, in the power of the risen Christ we live!

Day 318: 04/02/14

Lord,


Let your truth shout clearer than our doubting minds.
Let your love run faster than our frail and broken hearts.
Let your strength root deeper than veneering temptations.
Let your peace sing smoother than our anxious rap.


Let Lord...
Let


Amen

Day 317: 03/02/14

Lord,
Fix our eyes steadfast on you.
Fix our hearts quiet and still in you.
Fix our minds assured with you.


Encamp your words of hope, life, truth and renewal around us.
Gather us from the farthest land, farthest place.
Prepare us, prepare us deeper for your presence.


In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                 and the Holy Spirit.


Amen.

Day 316: 02/02/14

Lord,


And you invite me to come
You invite me into life
It's out of the wreckage that we find your love.


Lord have mercy.
Christ have mercy


Continue to call us
Continue to invite us.


Amen.

Day 315: 01/02/14

Lord,


You wait on me.
You wash me.
You undo every ounce of me.


Let your truths echo loud in every chamber of my heart.
Let your praise be renown in every angle of my soul.
All consuming, holy fire, fall from heaven and enchant this child.


I am yours and you are mine.
Refine me again and again.

Day 314:31/01/14

Life line
life design
plunder deep, this heart of mine.


coil cave
destructive grave
untangle these cobwebs and do thy beloved save.


enticing, enlightening
infringing, endearing
surrender beating heart, give way to holy exploding.

Day 313: 30/01/14

God,
You cleanse us and you heal us.
come make your home in us.
From the wreckage of our lives send us into your colourful freedom.
Speed recovery.
Enhance trust.
Your spirit our guide post.
Your presence our comfort.
Lead us faithful, forever faithful
Till we reach our final rest.


It's the beauty from these ashes
the journey in the waiting, the process of the hovering.


Lord hear our prayers, amen.

Day 312: 29/01/14

And I wanted to take a bye  tonight, just this one time, because this body is aching with the cold, weary to the bone.  But you're Lord, Lord even in this, even when I'm tired and sick and you're Lord, and I lay on holy ground.

Day 311: 28/01/14

God...


And even when I'm tried, even when I'm sick your kingdom is still coming, still crashing in on this broken earth.
Adoration, praise, honour are all that I can give.
Purify me, sanctify me, let the dear Christ enter in.
Amen

Day 310: 27/01/14

God,


And this is the 2nd or maybe 3rd time during this whole process that I just want to skip it.  That I just want to lay my head on my pillow and rest, or try to at least.  But that's the thing, the miserable, terrible truth, Augustine is right, there is no rest apart from you. You alone are rest. You alone are peace, and its with you and in you that there is fullness of joy.

Day 309: 26/01/14

God,


I wait on you.
I look to you.
In your strength.
In your time
I rest myself into your grace

Day 308: 25/01/14

Lord...


You drain me out, only to give life back.
You empty me, only to fill me with your presence.
You disassemble me, only to rearrange and redeem my broken pieces.
You Lord, are the master recycler.
                 Recycle me again and again.
                    Recycle me until I'm who you want me to be.


Amen

Day 307: 24/01/14

Lord,


And I lay this tired, weary body down.
I rest it in your more than capable hands.
I rest it in your unrelinquishing  love.


And I lay this exhausted, over-thinking mind down.
I rest in your truth speaking care.
I surrender all my worries to you.


And I lay this hope-barren heart down.
I rest it in your over-ridding, above and beyond heart.
I rest it in your belief.


And I lay it all down.
                   All down before you.
                                              You my Lord.
                                                            Amen.

Day 306: 23/01/14

Lord,


And I lay it all down... in all its colours colliding.
All the opportunities, all the ignoring.
I lay it all down.


All the drama in my mind.
All the worries at the forefront
I place them in your care.


May the peace of all peace be mine this night.


In the name of the Father,
                        the Son,
                 and the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

Day 305: 22/01/14

God,


My life might feel chaotic and windy-not the straight and narrow.
It might feel fragile and not concrete.  I might feel confused and re-used.
But you're Lord even in this, aren't you?


And I might have the faith to believe for someone else, but the doubts of my own life echo loud into the night.
But you're Lord even in this, aren't you?


I might not understand why you insist on working this way in my life.
And I might be about ready to give up hope of a happy here after.
But you're Lord even in this, aren't you?


I might feel you asking me to jump, to take risks where I'm almost not ready, and my feet feel full of led.
But you're Lord even in this, aren't you?


And sometimes when I stop and reflect, yet again, my whole life might appear meaningless, devoid of grace and adventure.
But you're Lord even in this, aren't you?


I might feel overwhelmed about what I feel you calling me to.
I might even doubt that it came from you at all.
But you're Lord even in this, aren't you?


You're Lord, in this, whatever my "this" may be.
You're Lord.
            Aren't you?

Day 304: 21/01/14

Lord...


And I surrender to your workings,
I invite your quest.
You surprise me with your kindness,
be my most Holy guest.


You fight against my nightmares,
working tirelessly through the night.
Shine your light in all my darkness,
let it burn and flicker bright.


I love you Lord Jesus!
Live loud in my heart!
Amen.

Day 303: 20/01/14

God...


It's the beauty from the ashes
the trusting amidst the doubting.
the loving in the middle of fearing.


its you.....
     the mystery breaking through.


you're my keeper
You're my love song
         write me again and again.

Day 302: 19/01/14

Lord,


Help me to be alive to the moments of my life, no matter how fleeting.
Help me believe that you are, have been, and will be my provider.
Help me to understand the ways your protect and deliver me from my fears.


Your strong arms encompass me....
                                 in your presence is fullness of joy!

Day 301: 18/01/14

Lord,


And this life you've called me to
this place you've called me to root
asks me to die a little, to break a little, to wait a little.


And it feels like nothing but one big catastrophic mess
and so I break a little more, wait a little more, die a little more.


But your hem I touched,
              your face I gazed....

Day 300: 17/01/2014

DAY 300!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry just feeling a little excited for this milestone!)


God...


And you're teaching me humility.
        You're teaching me grace.
You're teaching me how to walk in this wide open space.


Our hearts on fire: heaven's glory.
My meager steps, your unfaltering moves. 


In the quiet, in this stillness I hear your heart beat pumping.

Day 299: 16/01/14

And I hear you say to me today:


"Good morning sunshine, yes you, when you're pouty with the flu.  You are still my beautiful sunshine.  And I know you'd have never made it out of bed if the sun wasn't shinning...so it's shinning bright with no clouds in the sky.  I know your life feels rotten and wrecked.  But I'll catch you in the catastrophic, in this catastrophic.  And you will, my little sunshine, see the goodness of the Lord in this land of the living.  Say it with me today, over and over: 'I believe I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, in this land of the living'."

Day 298: 15/01/14

Lord...


In the stilling, in the quieting
              I find you.


In the waiting, in the laying
                 I hear you.


Open in me a place attentive to your voice.
Open in me a space inviting your glory.
Open in me attentiveness to you.
Open in me attentiveness to others.


You are my God, I am your people.


Surrendered.

Day 297: 14/01/14

Lord....


And I empty out space,
             only to fill it with clutter again.


And I carve room for you,
              and fill it with worry.


Breakdown my distracting habits, scatter them.


Carve out space in my heart that craves the rejuvenation of your spirit,
                               that expects the heart beat of your son.


As deep cries out to deep
So your spirit cries to my spirit.


In the name of the Father,
                               Son,
                          and Holy Spirit.


Amen.

Day 296: 13/01/14

Grow in us Lord,
Grow in us a desire to love you and to love our neighbour.
Carve out time,
Create space in this heart, in this schedule.
Break down dividing walls.
cultivate a willing heart, an open heart.


Yours is the kingdom
Yours is the glory
Yours is the power
Forever, and now, even this very moment.
Amen

Day 295: 12/01/14

God,
And you said it was "gate day" and I didn't know what on God's green earth you meant by that.
So I mustered my little seed-faith, with all my insecurities screaming loud and wobbling inside, and I walked through it.
I marched right through that gate and into you.
This day is a marker with you.
A "gate day", whatever that means.




Lord,
Help me to walk fearlessly through the gates you've put before me.
Let your light lead me home. Send out your light and truth and let them lead me.


"I will enter your gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter your courts with praise"

Day 294: 11/01/14

Christ,


Be the magnate to this force field.
Chase me! Hunt me down! attach yourself to me like magnates that refuse to be separated.
Soak me! Drench me! Let your love drip down my face like pouring rain. Soak your love through all of my clothes, get right down into my skin. Make me awake to your presence, alive in your care.


I love you Lord Jesus,
             my other, my holy,


                 Live loud in my heart!

Day 293: 10/01/14

Lord...


And you Lord, are my guiding post and my sanctuary.
My teacher and my rest.
In your presence is fullness of joy.


Wake up our hearts to smell your glory.
Wake up our hearts to behold your greatness.
Wake up our hearts as we seek your face.
Wake up in us Lord.
Wake up and come alive.


We love you Lord Jesus,
Live loud in our hearts!

Day 292: 09/01/14

Lord,


In the morning I come to you for strength and light,
Shine on my night-weary wings.
Let your love charge them to fly.


Your light and truth are with me
Fill up my mind with such things.


Open in me a well that cannot be quenched by anything but you.
Rotate my orbit to receive the best sun rays.
reorientation my daily routine around you.

Day 291: 08/01/14

God
     Lord,


Your guiding hand faithfully leading.
Your patient arm constant, not fleeting.
Your reassuring words not empty, but breathing.
Your life giving strength gentle and pleading.


Enter Lord Jesus
In the dark of the night.


Enter Lord Jesus
In the rain-dreary days


Enter Lord Jesus
Live loud in my heart!

Day 290: 07/01/14

Lord,


You are the vine
I come alive when I abide in you.
Your breathe your life into me
and these dry bones begin to rattle and connect.


Come alive in our hearts Lord.
Wake up the sleeping and lost places.
Speak life to the dry and weary parts.
Shout your truth into the cave of my mind,
Fill it with light, everlasting light.


You are the light of the world.
Shine it bright
from dim to divine
from darkness to brightness.


Heal Lord,
Heal your hurting weary earth
heal the places people had given up hope on.


Redeem Christ.
Redeem all the backwards, broken, and "unfixable" areas of your creations.
Absorb our doubts and shatter them.
Let your actions in our lives only increase our faith and dispel another's doubts.


Your kingdom Lord:
show us how it works.


Your power Lord:
Infuse us with your strength.


Your glory Lord:
move us out of the way.


Amen.

Day 289: 06/01/14

Holy One,


And you, you are the builder of all things.
You have placed nothing outside of your control.
You are the Lord and there is none besides you.


Holy are you.
Holy is your name.
Above all honour
Above all glory
Above all power
Overriding, superseding, holy Lord of Grace.


Come fill my heart.
Come fill this space.


Amen.

Day 287: 05/01/14

Lord,

We're tired.
We're worn out.
We're a war field on the inside,
             exploding grenades and all.

You're energy
You're exaustless
You're life in the dead of night,
                        shooting stars and all.


I'm all human.
You're human holy.
You're inside of me
       rub off on me like unwashed dark jeans.

Refining.  Redefining.

Day 286: 04/01/14

God,

Unquenchable your majesty.
Unfathomable your mercy and grace.
Transparent before us.
Hidden in mystery.
Found in the finding
Announced in the waiting

Your surprises delight me
Your graces beckon to me.

Captivating

Day 285: 03/01/14

Lord, Christ, healer,

 

As we enter this New Year, this new season

Remind us that you are the vine,

Apart from you we cannot bear fruit.

Apart from you there is no life.

 

Graft us deeper into your kingdom

Deeper into your blood stream.

 

And as we seek to make you known

Sow in us the seeds of your kingdom.

 

Sow in us love.

Invite us deeper into your unquenchable love

That pushes past all our doubts and fears.

 

Sow in us joy.

Your river of life extends through my broken battered heart.

May our lives this year, be fountains of unbridled joy.

 

Sow in us peace.

Not man made, bought, or earthly peace.

But peace that opens its arms through the most difficult and threatening situations.

 

Sow in us patience.

Not a forced level of tolerance,

But a merging of our rhythm to your cadence

Our agendas to your compassion.

 

Sow in us kindness.

That others will taste and see that we operate from a different paradigm.

A paradigm of grace, freely offered, freely given.

 

Sow in us goodness.

Refine our motives and make them pure.

Sync our souls to the wholeness that you offer.

 

Sow in us faithfulness.

That in this New Year, we wouldn’t be a people tossed to and fro by the latest trends,

But that we would be steadfast, like barnacles rooted on a rock.

 

Sow in us gentleness.

Infuse our hearts with your grace.

Disarm us with your tenderness.

Quiet us in your care.

 

Sow in us self-control.

Let your Spirit be our guide post.

Let Christ be our teacher.

Sow in us Lord.

 

Till and toss the soil of our hearts,

That we may be a prepared ground

For planting.

 

Sow in our church.

Sow in your kingdom.

Sow in your earth.

 

 

 

 

Day 284: 02/01/2014

Lord,

And its always surprising what breaks you and what makes you.
What binds you and what sets you free.
What heals you and what harms you.

Free us Lord.
Heal us Lord.

Day 283: 01/01/14

God..

The plague of worry arrives
The fears and inadequacies scream
but your love shouts louder
your hand of provision reaches further.

I tremble in fear
I can't help but feel overwhelmed by how much work still needs to happen here.
Here in this heart.

I love you Jesus! Live loud in my heart!

Day 283: 31/12/13

And we leave you 2013.
we say goodbye and we give our thanks.
For you went before us and beside us every moment that has passed.

Some moments you felt far, others skin prickling close.
Regardless... we give you thanks for the blessings of another full year.

Be heavy with us
Be ever increasingly more with us, as we plunge into this new year.

Day 282: 30/12/13

God..

You've blessed us with your honour
                             with your peace
                         and with your grace.

It your face and your face only that we seek.
Its you we worship.
You we adore.

Heal our hearts
Heal our hurts
Prove you're Lord evermore.

We love you