I'm sorry.
I'm sorry because today I wasn't patient with you.
You might not even know, because sometimes the more upset I am the calmer I appear.
But in my heart, in my heart I wasn't patient with you, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I just half listened to you when you told me about how you lost your baby.
I wish I had stopped to cry for you, and given you my whole attention.
I want you to know that it matters, and that I'm not okay with your loss.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't bother to tell you how beautiful you looked in those shoes.
I was so broke on my insides that I didn't have the strength to tell you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I wasn't willing to risk with you.
That something inside of me told me you weren't worth it.
But loving is always worth risking. So I'm sorry because that must have felt dehumanizing.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't live more bolder around you.
That I didn't respect you enough to show you my whole self.
But the truth is I'm just starting to get to know me too.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I just gave you the everyday spiel and didn't share a genuine moment with you.
That I didn't care enough to listen to how your day was.
I was overwhelmed today.
There were a lot of you.
And only one of me.
And my insides feel scattered all over God's green earth.
And my heart feels broke into billions of pieces of glass, washing up on every shore from every sea.
And my thoughts they just keep on running away from me.
So I'm sorry.
I'm sorry because today I wasn't my best.
And Christ didn't live loud.
And I didn't treat you like you are that beautiful once in a lifetime miracle of creativity.
Because that's what you are...each of you.
A miracle of creativity given life from the very breath of God.
And so I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't treat you that way.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Day 7: 29/03/2013
Sorry this will be a bit depressing...and tomorrow's probably will be too. Sometimes I feel like we rush through Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and confusing Saturday to Easter way to fast. I like to linger here a little.
You poured out like water
They marched you through the streets.
The look of determination and defeat mingled in your eyes.
They whipped you, spat on you, dishonoured you in every way.
And I just stood there.
I just stood there with an invisible whip in my hands.
And they pierced those nails right into your hands.
And your blood it just poured out.
And that body of yours broke.
And I just stood there paralyzed in horror and confusion.
Death seemed to swallow up life in one big gulp.
All your creation seemed to break in defeat.
Chaos and confusion.
And I don't think any of us understood that day what was going on.
You said you were going to rescue us.
Give us living water.
Abundant life.
But the one, the one whom we love,
The one who we put all our hope in,
The one we put all our eggs in one basket for...Is dead.
You poured out like water
They marched you through the streets.
The look of determination and defeat mingled in your eyes.
They whipped you, spat on you, dishonoured you in every way.
And I just stood there.
I just stood there with an invisible whip in my hands.
And they pierced those nails right into your hands.
And your blood it just poured out.
And that body of yours broke.
And I just stood there paralyzed in horror and confusion.
Death seemed to swallow up life in one big gulp.
All your creation seemed to break in defeat.
Chaos and confusion.
And I don't think any of us understood that day what was going on.
You said you were going to rescue us.
Give us living water.
Abundant life.
But the one, the one whom we love,
The one who we put all our hope in,
The one we put all our eggs in one basket for...Is dead.
Day 6:28/03/2013
Christ,
I come into your presence tired, scattered and distracted.
My brain in full over drive.
Quiet me, still me, gather me.
Let me rest in you.
For Yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory.
Forever.
Amen.
I come into your presence tired, scattered and distracted.
My brain in full over drive.
Quiet me, still me, gather me.
Let me rest in you.
For Yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory.
Forever.
Amen.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Day 5: 27/03/2013
Holy God, Father, Holy Spirit, Christ,
We welcome you into our lives today.
We welcome you like we welcome the sunshine, that warms us right to the soul.
We welcome you into the chaotic, mess of our lives that we've made.
We welcome you into the beautiful selfless parts of our lives.
We ask you to help us welcome you to into the places we want to hide from you.
Because we recognize that darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.
that lies cannot drive out lies, only truth can do that.
that hurt cannot drive out hurt, only healing can do that.
that death cannot drive out death, only life can do that.
that hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.
And you Lord, are light, truth, healing, life and love.
And so we welcome you.
We welcome you to our lives,
we open our hands,
we lay down our palm branches,
that the King of Glory may come in.
Amen (let it be)
We welcome you into our lives today.
We welcome you like we welcome the sunshine, that warms us right to the soul.
We welcome you into the chaotic, mess of our lives that we've made.
We welcome you into the beautiful selfless parts of our lives.
We ask you to help us welcome you to into the places we want to hide from you.
Because we recognize that darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.
that lies cannot drive out lies, only truth can do that.
that hurt cannot drive out hurt, only healing can do that.
that death cannot drive out death, only life can do that.
that hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.
And you Lord, are light, truth, healing, life and love.
And so we welcome you.
We welcome you to our lives,
we open our hands,
we lay down our palm branches,
that the King of Glory may come in.
Amen (let it be)
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Day 4: 26/03/2013
The words are there, but they can't seem to organize themselves enough to come out. And I'm not in the mood to do a roll call. So here's the bookends:
chaos to calm
destruction to delight
confusion to comprehension
stable to strength
rough to round
ashes to art
steep to slope.
deception to discovery
chaos to calm
destruction to delight
confusion to comprehension
stable to strength
rough to round
ashes to art
steep to slope.
deception to discovery
Day 3: 25/03/2013
I saw all of your babies today, or it felt like it...
How did you make everyone so different? your bottomless creativity astounds me.
I saw them looking down at the ground with no hope in their eyes.
I saw them drawing all over the side walk with chalk.
I saw them with their faces all painted so perfect.
I saw them speaking in different tongues.
I saw them basking in the gift of the day, in the gift of the sun.
I saw them taking risks...walking into traffic when the sign says wait.
I saw them consuming much to ease their pain.
I saw them. I saw so many. I saw so much uniqueness.
How does your love not run dry? How does your patience not grow thin?
Lord have mercy, for we know not what we do.
How did you make everyone so different? your bottomless creativity astounds me.
I saw them looking down at the ground with no hope in their eyes.
I saw them drawing all over the side walk with chalk.
I saw them with their faces all painted so perfect.
I saw them speaking in different tongues.
I saw them basking in the gift of the day, in the gift of the sun.
I saw them taking risks...walking into traffic when the sign says wait.
I saw them consuming much to ease their pain.
I saw them. I saw so many. I saw so much uniqueness.
How does your love not run dry? How does your patience not grow thin?
Lord have mercy, for we know not what we do.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Day 2: 24/03/2013
Holy God,
We claim your truths over our lives.
We claim your truths today because we need them written all over our broken and wounded hearts.
We claim your truths because the truth sets us free.
Because your truth untangles even the strongest of weed like lies wrapped around our heads.
Because your truth pushes past every chaotic moment, every unspoken cry, every hushed utterance.
Your truth pierces the darkness and brings forth light.
Your truth continuously beckons us out of death and into life.
And your words, your mighty, powerful, truth words, that spoke this spinning cosmos into existence...they go forth and they don't come back empty.
Those truth words of yours, they are the seeds of growth, of life, of love.
And so we plant them today, we plant them in our broken, wormy, poo filled pile of dirt.
And we watch and we wait.
And we write them all over our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our walls, our souls.
We write them because those truth words of yours, they set us free. And you're all about freedom.
So we plant those seed truth words of yours. And we ask you to water them. And we know that you will because you are faithful. Yes always faithful to set your babies free.
We claim your truths over our lives.
We claim your truths today because we need them written all over our broken and wounded hearts.
We claim your truths because the truth sets us free.
Because your truth untangles even the strongest of weed like lies wrapped around our heads.
Because your truth pushes past every chaotic moment, every unspoken cry, every hushed utterance.
Your truth pierces the darkness and brings forth light.
Your truth continuously beckons us out of death and into life.
And your words, your mighty, powerful, truth words, that spoke this spinning cosmos into existence...they go forth and they don't come back empty.
Those truth words of yours, they are the seeds of growth, of life, of love.
And so we plant them today, we plant them in our broken, wormy, poo filled pile of dirt.
And we watch and we wait.
And we write them all over our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our walls, our souls.
We write them because those truth words of yours, they set us free. And you're all about freedom.
So we plant those seed truth words of yours. And we ask you to water them. And we know that you will because you are faithful. Yes always faithful to set your babies free.
This year of 28: Let the artist live loud!
So here we are. The day has come and gone, but the changes, the changes are still moving and shaping, like water slowly eroding a rock. This year I'm gonna let the artist live loud. I feel challenged and pushed to write a prayer/poem a day for this entire year. I don't feel particularly motivated about it, or like I'm in amazing writing phase. I feel called to the discipline of it. Feel free to journey with me, or check in when you want, or don't. Regardless, you're welcome here.
Day #1: 23/03/2013
You littered my day with love, and I am undone by your extravagance.
I trade in 5 hours to get 5 days off: the math in Your kingdom is out of this world.
5 days of sunshine spilling all around; and one shooting start to finish with bliss.
flowers upon flowers, kind words upon kind words, food upon food, and drink upon drink, you've lavished upon me through my friends, and I sit in awe.
the detail of turquoise, each hair painted so carefully: and your thoughts, your thoughts about me are more meticulous than this?
and the chair. the chair that i'd long given up looking for...and its so much more than I knew I wanted. How is your care and concern this detailed about such a trivial thing?
you littered my day with love....LAVISH. To me all this is extravagant, even excessive. But you whisper to me: "this is just lavish, sweet heart, just lavish".
And I am undone.
Day #1: 23/03/2013
You littered my day with love, and I am undone by your extravagance.
I trade in 5 hours to get 5 days off: the math in Your kingdom is out of this world.
5 days of sunshine spilling all around; and one shooting start to finish with bliss.
flowers upon flowers, kind words upon kind words, food upon food, and drink upon drink, you've lavished upon me through my friends, and I sit in awe.
the detail of turquoise, each hair painted so carefully: and your thoughts, your thoughts about me are more meticulous than this?
and the chair. the chair that i'd long given up looking for...and its so much more than I knew I wanted. How is your care and concern this detailed about such a trivial thing?
you littered my day with love....LAVISH. To me all this is extravagant, even excessive. But you whisper to me: "this is just lavish, sweet heart, just lavish".
And I am undone.
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