And its that day. And it feels like it's been "that" day far too often lately. I sit there in my ripped jeans with my lost and found shirt on and I honestly can't believe how you work these tiny details in my life. I listen, and listen hard about your relentless finding patience. I listen to the story of you leaving the 99 and searching, searching late into the night for your one. For your one little baby.
And I think about how I feel lost way more than I feel found.
And I can't help but wonder if this is a common human experience or just a weird Jenny thing. And I try and prepare a lesson for my babies tonight but I'm restless in my constant running away. So I clean the fridge. And when I say "clean the fridge" I mean I cleaned the fridge. Two whole white garbage bags full of uneaten moldy food. And I took that fridge apart and scrubbed those surfaces. I hear Jesus' phrase to the Pharisees: "first wash the inside then the outside will come clean". I feel Him scrubbing the inside of my soul as I scrub the inside of my fridge. Its like an outward manifestation of the inward work. And I'm not sure what the changes mean or bring, but two full bags of garbage came out. And I feel renewed.
And so I pray:
Holy Father,
I pray that you would keep me clean.
That you would keep my heart and soul set on the things of you.
That you would fill me with your nourishment.
That I would taste and see that you are good and that your steadfast love endures forever.
I pray that you would curb my urge to run.
That you would make me lie down by green pastures and restore my soul by still waters.
That goodness and mercy would follow me and go before me all of my days.
I rest in you.
I rest in your unchanging truth.
Wash me. Then heal me.
That I may be a prepared dwelling place for you my Lord.
In the name of the Father,
his Son and the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
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