Musings more than prayers or poems today...
I hear you whisper to me: "Life and love aren't problems to be solved, they're moments to live". I scribble it on a post-it and put it in my purse lest I forget. Cause this one, this mess of woman, is quick to forget and slow to remember. Evening comes and I transfer that post it to my silver evening clutch as if the physical presences of the words will allow this truth to come into fruition.
And its not even 24 hours later, I'm standing there in my early morning delight, sipping my coffee and browsing used books like time isn't moving, and I read it: "Life isn't like a book. Life isn't logical or sensible or orderly. Life is a mess most of the time. And theology must be lived in the midst of that mess"(Charles Colson). And I hear you loud and clear.
I'm ashamed at how quick I am to reduce this miracle of a life to a system. Like our adventures in life are a massive math equation to solve, or an never ending paper to edit. But its NOT, its a gift. A gift that cannot be reduced down to a formula.
And I don't know how to do this, how to not deduce the facts to predict the most likely outcomes and make my life moves. I don't know how to float patiently on the sea of a million unanswerable questions.
So today, today I pray with this in mind:
Lord help me to float on this sea of questions.
Help me to rest in your unquenchable love, which is a fact, which is something I'm sure of.
Help me be more sure of it.
Awaken to me the moments of my life, scatter the equations.
I love you my other, my holy. Amen.
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