Holy God,
Yes, you are Holy, set apart, above the chaos, our other.
We look to you.
We stop for a moment and turn our faces towards you.
We stop for a while and look into your eyes.
And our fears, those fears that follow us wherever we go,
those fears about inadequacy, about abandonment, about being too much, or not enough,
those fears about feeling purposeless, the ones that question why we're here, and where we're going.
those fears that seem to always resurface no matter how much growth, how much counselling,
yes those fears,
they melt
in your presence.
they melt
and I am undone.
Undone because your kindness recklessly chases me when I am so unkind.
Undone because your tender patience never runs dry and is always faithful even when I'm exasperating.
Undone because your love pursues me more aggressively when I spit at you in fear.
Undone because you hunt me down and force feed me truth when I'm gorging on lies.
Undone because you show up when I push you away, when I slam the door in your face and kick you out.
Undone because you just sit with me in this mess of a life. You sit with me and order my chaos.
And I am 143,000,000% overwhelmed by your khesed (Hebrew: loving-kindness) which is not false and is always faithful.
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